ow Page 993 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Internet Paralyzed By Michael Vick To Buffalo Rumors
Have you heard?! Michael Vick and Tony Dungy are in Buffalo right now signing an eighteen-year deal worth $4 billion. Or maybe he's not in New York State at all? Maybe you're the one who's like....trapped in Buffalo, man!...

Now For Jason Whitlock's Thoughts On Rick Pitino
Topics discussed: Pussy Galore, Strange Tang, Pitino, Josh Hamilton, Reggie Miller, Monica Lewinsky, Obama and Hillary doin' it. There's something for everyone: rampant misogyny and gay-baiting! This column makes every sportswriter in America look like Betty Friedan in comparison. [FoxSports]...

Wrigley Beer-Tossing Hand Job Still At Large (UPDATE) (UPDATE NO)
I imagine that since we're very close to identifying the man who soaked Shane Victorino last night at Wrigley, that the Chicago PD are close as well....

Our Man In Boy Clothes Is Not Feeling Generous Today
Mike Lupica's ego is to sportswriting what Milton Berle's cock is to comedy. It is an occupational totem, around which colleagues spin fantastical-seeming yarns that just so happen to be true. Here are a few such tales....

Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....

Dwight Howard's Lawyers Tell The World That's Not His Penis
The photos of a man who looks like Dwight Howard pulling down his shorts to reveal his member in a web cam pic found on Mediatakeout are not him, TMZ reveals. Big day for everybody....

Brady Quinn-Derek Anderson Feud Gets Catty
Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both listed as No. 1 on the Browns depth chart, although I don't believe the NFL's plan to add a second football to gameplay will take effect this year. So let the sabotage begin!...

Let's All Watch The Media Fumble Helplessly On The Pitino Story
So, obviously, this is the only story today. But is anyone else finding it odd how it's being covered? Go ahead, do a Google News search. "Pitino Paid For Woman's Abortion." Every headline is some variant of that....

For A Brief Moment, The College Football World Was Turned On Its Head
Our thanks to all 8,358 of you who sent in this screengrab (click to enlarge), which depicts Bruce Feldman, ESPN The Magazine's college football savant, fearlessly forecasting the Florida Atlantic Owls into the national title game....

Leitch-Hating Matador Records Co-Owner Loses Home In Fire
Gerard Cosloy, indie-music maven and proprietor of sporty blog Can't Stop The Bleeding, posted the photo you see here, writing: "This was a hell of a way to get out of hoovering the living room." Condolences. [CSTB, via Steady Burn]...

Deion Sanders' Mom Is A First Amendment Hero
The amazing thing about this isn't that cops stupidly slapped handcuffs on a sportswriter apparently for the crime of doing his job in casual wear. The amazing thing is that he was arrested because he tried to interview Deion Sanders....

Nationals' Unexpected Success Sends <em>Washington Post</em> Into A Fugue State
The lede to yesterday's game story: "In the coda of the Passacaglia and Fugue in C minor, composer Johann Sebastian Bach repeats the same chord sequence over and over again, leading the listener to anticipate one resolution ..." [Washington Post]...

Vick Speaks To James Brown
Michael Vick has recorded his first post-jail interview with James Brown and it will air on "60 Minutes" this Sunday. (As heard on "The Leitch/Daulerio FunTime Hour"!) Perfect for family dinner-time viewing. [CBS]...

Alert: Whitlock, Leitch, Daulerio Sharing Pleasantries On Popular Radio Program
Go listen now. UPDATE: It's over. The nation returns to DEFCON 4. Leitch's verdict: "That went well. He didn't yell at us at all." [DanPatrick.com]...

Kenny Williams' No Good, Very Bad Day
First, the White Sox GM finds a moldering, $60 million fourth outfielder on waivers. Then he gets popped in Seattle for jaywalking. Only one of these things is criminally stupid....

Dan Patrick Radio Listeners: If You Need Some Tasty Ear Candy To Jumpstart Your Tuesday...
It turns out SI's Dan Patrick is filming a scene for an upcoming Adam Sandler movie tomorrow so he needs fill-ins. Who'd he pick? Unfortunately for non-deaf America, not the ESL strippers from Rick's Cabaret....

Linda Cohn Bravely Tests The ESPN Social Networking Policy
60,000 Cohn Heads. Now there ain't but 20,000 Bristol police in the whole town... can you dig it? [The Rookies]...

If Mike Vick Is Repentant, He'll Never Tell
Michael Vick made an appearance at a Humane Society event yesterday, but don't expect to hear an inspiring message of redemption. Don't expect to hear it at all. Vick's talk wasn't for the community: it was for his own gain....

Isn't Anyone Here Even Hard Of Hearing?
When Ghana sent a deaf soccer team to Australia, they neglected to actually send any deaf people. But it's not cheating, because the Aussies' deaf soccer team included only three hearing-impaired players!...

Like Transformers, GaTech Only Looks Good Beside Inferior Contemporaries
In an attempt to outdo Tennessee's auto-erotic Lamborghini, Georgia Tech's football team posed with not one, but two muscle cars. Also, they can turn into giant robots that fight evil....