p Page 6553 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hockey World Is Filled With Finger-Biting, Child-Mugging Thugs
The two tough guys got tangled up near the bench early in the first period, when Peters' hand got a little too close to Ruutu's mouth, so Ruutu bit down—through the glove—drawing blood. Naturally, Peters got a game misconduct, while Ruutu got nothing except a stick to the groin from Peters' teammate...

Hey You Kids! Doh!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

In Which Andy McPhail Finally Crosses The Pond
Orioles are last team in AL East to sign a Japanese player, grabbing Yomiuri Giants pitcher Koji Uehara for two years, $10 million. Pay no attention to his 2008 stats. [Baltimore Sun]...

What The Mind Can Conceive And Believe, It Can Achieve
So this fascinating photo seen many, many places today is courtesy of The Smoking Gun. I'd try to explain what happened, but it's much too complicated. Let them:...

Clearly, He's Not One To Respond To Hollow Threats
National Football Post, again: "Sources close to the National Football Post have just informed us that Boston College head football coach Jeff Jagodzinski has, in fact, interviewed with the New York Jets." '[NFP]...

Sorry Boys ... Alyssa Milano Is Engaged
Yes, our little Sam is getting married, and strangely, it's NOT to an athlete. Ms. Milano is engaged to (non-sports) agent David Bugliari, so watch your Blackberry Curve for that wedding invite....

Rob Parker Is Detroit's Newest Unemployed Worker
I wonder if Rob Parker now wishes Rod Marinelli's daughter had married a career counselor, because she probably could have helped him find a new line of work....

Carmelo Anthony's Curious Love Of The Longhorns
It was a subtle bit of color hidden in an otherwise dry recap of the Denver Nuggets evening, but the opening lead from this AP story has left at least one tipster scratching his head....

Sadly, No One Told Vincent Jackson That Buzzed Driving Is Drunk Driving
If nothing else, Vincent Jackson's timing is impeccable: The Chargers wide receiver was arrested for DUI early this morning. Norv is thrilled, I'm sure....

The World Series Of Drunk People With Too Much Time On Their Hands
• You're still an alcoholic: Look, no one is impressed by morons throwing ping pong balls into beer cups except other morons. Oh, and Rick Reilly. [LAist]...

Skip Bayless Would Let Lil' Wayne Suck Out His Flu
The most articulate and entertaining ESPN staffer goes at it with Skip Bayless....

Drew Brees Wins Offensive Player Of The Year
Good things happen when you have a mole removed. [SI]...

Terry Bradshaw Under The Influence Of Jay Leno
What did Terry Bradshaw have to drink in the Tonight Show green room last night? On second thought, that's pretty much just standard Bradshaw, isn't it?...

Sifting Through The Many Curious Deeds Of Mr. Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley surveys the charred wreckage of his life following events of the past seven days? No, although the metaphor is apt....

BCS Voters Can't Be Bothered To Watch Utah Play Football
Utah is 13-0, but the voters who help determine the BCS rankings know that the Utes are probably about the fifth best team out there. How do they know? They just do, okay!...

Yeah, Give Him A Red Card. I Dare You
Ha, watch closely; about two minutes in, even the bull realizes that soccer is a dull game, and stops charging. He's thinking "getting maimed with swords is better than watching this."...

And It Only Took Them 307 Years
Hey Bulldog: Former Jacksonville Jaguars assistant Tom Williams is hired at Yale, becoming the school's first black head football coach. [Hartford Courant]...

Yes, Virginia, There Are Other Buzzsaw Fans
An hour before the tailgating area in Glendale opened Saturday, I met more Arizona Cardinals fans than I'd met in my life. There were three. We were packing the car....

Nobody Snitched On Marvin Harrison...No Criminal Charges Filed
Details surrounding what happened between Marvin Harrison and a a fella with a bullet in his arm were murky, and the Philadelphia D.A says there's not enough evidence for charges....

49ers Bid A High-Pitched, Frenetic Adieu To Joe Starkey
Joe Starkey is retiring as play-by-play voice of the 49ers. Don't recognize the name? He's the broadcaster who always sounds like his testicles are wired to a car battery, as this legendary clip demonstrates....