premier Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Professional Footballers, They’re Just Like Us...But With Sex Parties
We know the shutdown to the Coronavirus has some feeling pent up. Restless. Maybe even to the point where it feels like the walls of your home are closing in. Every day is the same. It’s hard to distinguish one from the next....
Premier League Owners, They’re Horrible, Just Like The Ones Over Here
They say in times of crisis you find out what people are truly about. We’re certainly learning these days that amongst the heartening tales of heroism, it’s also a prime moment for people to exhibit just how much of their ass they can show....
It Would Suck If Liverpool Couldn't Finish Their Magical Run, But Leicester City Would Be The True Victims Of A Canceled Season
When discussing the bonkers plans the Premier League has floated for finishing its season—call it The Bio-Dome solution—the undercurrent to it all is that there’s a decent chance it won’t be finished at all. The idea of tacking it on to the beginning of next season almost seems a non-starter, with E...
Premier League Could Get Whacky In Order To Finish Its Season
The past couple weeks, I’ve spent time musing on how MLB could produce something unique and weird to play some kind of competition with a shortened window. Especially if that window was too short to complete a meaningful regular season and playoffs. In official corners of baseball, and not some wayw...
The World Might Be Coming To An End, But Here Are The Places You Can Still Bet On Sports
You might have noticed that there is a lot going on in the world. Even though everything has been cancelled....
Arsenal Are Imploding
What should’ve been, and what almost was, a desperately needed victory instead became more reason for acrimony and turmoil. A floundering Arsenal hosted Crystal Palace on Sunday, and after jumping out to a 2–0 lead early on, the Gunners threw away their advantage and wound up settling for a draw. Fr...
![Christian Pulisic Finally Scored His First Premier League Goal [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/tr5y8kfhukch4iczi588.jpg)
Christian Pulisic Finally Scored His First Premier League Goal [Updates]
American superstar Christian Pulisic made the most of his position in Chelsea’s starting lineup against Burnley on Saturday. A little over 20 minutes into the match, the wunderkind found himself on a breakaway with just on defender to his side. After slowing down to allow another Burnley defender to...
The Premier League Title Race Is Just Getting Started
Coming off a season where both the eventual Premier League champions and the runners up were very nearly perfect, you could be forgiven for assuming the eight-point lead Liverpool enjoyed over Manchester City coming into this past weekend to have been almost insurmountable. When the margins separati...
Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line
I don’t care that this goal was only possible due to a goalkeeping boner. I don’t care that it was scored in England’s seventh division, where the pitches are much smaller than in the top leagues. I don’t even care that there’s zero chance the scorer meant to do what he did. Regardless of all that, ...
This Feels Like The End Of Tottenham's Golden Age
It was all so good just four months ago. Back then, Tottenham were in the midst of their best Champions League run ever, beating Manchester City and Ajax on consecutive last-second magic tricks and getting ready to face Liverpool in the final. What a difference four months can make. ...
Manchester United Are The New Old Liverpool
It’s been so bad for so long that it’s time to stop worrying about when or whether it would happen and just admit that it already has: Manchester United have Liverpool’d themselves....
Leicester City Are For Real Again
When Leicester City won the Premier League title in 2016, it felt like an accident. Sure, they had N’Golo Kanté, Riyad Mahrez, and Jamie Vardy, but outside of those three, Leicester weren’t a team full of great players. Rather, they had a good system that worked to perfection long enough to complete...
Bernardo Silva Does A Racism Oopsie, Pep Guardiola Makes It Worse
What do you get when you mix an obscenely racist Spanish candy, a well-meaning but ill-advised joke tweet between Premier League teammates, and a manager who clearly doesn’t know anything about the history of racist imagery? Well, you get a racism scandal perfectly suited for 2019, with only a bag o...
The Premier League Is Finally As "Bad" As La Liga
It’s more than a little ironic that the definitive proof that the Premier League truly is as comprehensively and inarguably supreme as its fanboys have long contended it to be has come in the exact form many of those same fanboys shitted on Spain for back when La Liga was top dog....
Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call
When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the p...
Manchester City Unable To Overcome The Irrepressible Might Of Norwich City
In what could end up being the most stunning upset of season, recently-promoted Norwich City took down defending Premier League champions on Saturday, 3-2. The result came on the back of a stellar performance from Norwich’s Finnish veteran Teemu Pukki and a putrid display from City’s two center halv...
We Can Now Add Jadon Sancho To The List Of Great Players Arsène Wenger "Almost" Signed
The only thing former Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger likes to talk about more than the philosophical implications of life as a soccer manager is all the players he claims he narrowly missed out on signing. The latest addition to this nearly infinite list of Almost Gunners is former Manchester City ac...
Liverpool And Manchester City Still Reign Supreme
The start of a new season offers all the promise of a blank slate. Onto this yet untouched slab, our imaginations can run wild carving any conceivable array of results and events, thrillingly unconstrained by anything other than our own whims and predictions. However, though we are just three matche...
Never Forget That Fernando Torres Was A Force Of Nature Before He Was A Meme
It has been a while since Fernando Torres was something other than a melancholic presence on the soccer field. The man nicknamed El Niño—who played for Atlético Madrid, Liverpool, Chelsea, AC Milan, and Atlético again before retiring on Thursday at Japanese club Sagan Tosu—saw the arc of his career ...
Manager Ascends To New Level Of Consciousness, Makes Completely Logical Connection Between The Handball Rule And Brexit
The modern discourse is a never-ending cascade of Expanding Brain memes. Everyone plays their part, and when Deadspin is doing its job well, we provide takes that belong to one of the latter panels, ones hopefully more sophisticated than this but less out-there than this. Proving that our angle on t...