premier Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Banger King Rúben Neves Scores The First Great Goal Of The Premier League Season
One of the best ongoing statistical oddities in English soccer is that Wolverhampton Wanderers youngster Rúben Neves has never scored for the club from inside the penalty box in open play. Heading into Monday’s game against Manchester United, the 22-year-old Portuguese midfielder had 12 goals for Wo...
The New Handball Rule Is The Cold, VAR Is Cancer
For the second time in as many weeks of the new Premier League season, the biggest story from the weekend was another ruinously stupid imposition of VAR. The only thing more tiring than having to write the umpteenth anti-VAR post is having to witness video replay poison this wonderful sport from wee...
VAR Once Again Steals A Game-Winning Goal From Manchester City
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Manchester City were on the verge of pulling out a late victory against Tottenham at home, and then VAR stepped in to take it away....
VAR Is Turning Everyone Into Cops
The opening weekend of the Premier League season was in some ways bittersweet—the sweetness provided by the return of the best league in the world, the bitterness from the sad end of England’s noble resistance to the scourge of VAR. To anyone expecting to witness the inherently corrosive effects of ...
Pep Guardiola Lauds New Signing Rodri For Not Having Tattoos Or Earrings
Manchester City signed Spanish midfielder Rodri this past summer from Atletico Madrid for a club record £62.8m fee. Since then, Pep Guardiola has been heaping praises upon the 23-year-old, telling BBC Sport that he’s become more and more convinced the player will be one of the club’s best signings a...
Naked Idiot On The Field Rings In The New Premier League Season With A Dong
After a short summer break, the Premier League is back. Liverpool hosted Norwich City in the first match of the season today in a game that featured five goals, several wondrous feats of athleticism, and one pitch invader who made it onto the field just long enough to show the world his dick and ass...
This Is Still Manchester City's Premier League
Do you feel that? That’s the oncoming rush of another Premier League season, which officially kicks off on Friday. After the greatest title race in league history last season, the Premier League could have a worthy sequel on its hands. League runners-up Liverpool returned all the important parts of ...
The Start Of The Premier League Means The Start Of Manager-Sacking Season
The Premier League begins Friday. By Sunday, at least one manager will be rumored to be in trouble “if results do not improve.”...
Which Premier League Teams Are Good And Which Are Shit?
Everyone has probably had some version of the dream before: naked in class, unprepared for a final exam, publicly humiliated by Jennifer Connelly in a crowded restaurant (this may just be me), tasked with running away from or catching up to something only to find that your feet have turned into cara...
The Premier League Transfer Deadline Day Is Going To Be Nuts
The Premier League transfer window officially closes in less than 24 hours, and the usual whirlwind of transfer rumors has turned into a tree-uprooting, house-demolishing super tornado. New, credible reports of big-name players going into and out of the Premier League are flying around and changing ...
Harry Maguire Is The Best Manchester United Can Do
The fee itself, as gargantuan as it is, isn’t really an issue. Manchester United are one of the few clubs in the sport for which money truly is no object, and so their decision to break the defender transfer record is no cause for alarm. If there is an issue with the Red Devils paying Leicester City...
Zenit Supporters Unfurl Racist Banner To Protest The Signing Of A Black Player
During a match between Zenit St. Petersburg and FC Krasnodar, Zenit supporters revealed a banner with a message to those at the head of their club that read (roughly translated): “Thank you leadership for loyalty to traditions.” The sarcastic statement was made in response to the club signing ex-Bar...
Manchester City Defeat Liverpool On Penalties To Win Community Shield
Manchester City have won back-to-back FA Community Shield trophies for the first time in club history after defeating Liverpool 5-4 on penalties. Brazilian youngster Gabriel Jesus was the hero for Manchester City, scoring the winning penalty after Claudio Bravo came up big to save Giorgino Wijnadlum...
Arsenal Are Not Fucking Around This Summer
When Arsenal lost in the Europa League final, it felt like the Gunners were well and truly fucked. That defeat, coupled with a third-consecutive Premier League finish outside the top four, consigned Arsenal to life outside the Champions League for the third year running, presumably a massive setback...
Christian Pulisic Scores First Two Of What Are Sure To Be Hundreds Of Chelsea Goals
The start of Christian Pulisic’s first Premier League season is just 10 days away, though the former Wonderteen has only spent a few weeks with Chelsea after the USMNT lost the Gold Cup final. Has he had time to get up to speed and prepare for a grueling campaign? With the obvious caveat that presea...
After Nearly Two Years, Tottenham Are Finally Buying Players Again
Congratulations, Spurs fans: the club’s long transfer market nightmare is finally over. On Tuesday, Tottenham Hotspur announced not just one, but two transfers, the first by the club since signing right winger (both on the field and off of it) Lucas Moura back in January of 2018. And judging by the ...
Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool
Along the vast spectrum of possible states a soccer club could exist in, there is a vanishingly small patch that, for my tastes, qualifies as ideal....
Mesut Özil Has Become Arsenal's Most Expensive Liability
As he walked off the field in Baku during Arsenal’s embarrassing performance in the Europa League final, the relatively paltry numbers of Arsenal fans in attendance serenaded Mesut Özil with boos. Özil had just put in yet another lackluster performance in a big game for the Gunners, showing once aga...
Aston Villa Are Returning To The Premier League
Aston Villa have made their way back to the Premier League after defeating Derby County 2-1 at Wembley in the Championship playoff final. The club joins Norwich City and Sheffield United as the three clubs heading to the top flight and replacing Huddersfield Town, Fulham and Cardiff City....
Be Horrified By Manchester City For The Right Reasons
On Saturday, Watford were set alight and consumed by flames in the latest sacrificial ritual attesting to the almighty powers of Manchester City. The smoke from that immolation announced City as champions of the F.A. Cup, winners of the first domestic treble in English soccer history, and legitimate...