premier Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manchester United Will Not Go Away Quietly
First, you have a club like Manchester United, an impossibly rich and successful one that very recently was the true hegemon of English soccer but as of late has endured more humiliation than glory. Then, you couple it with a manager like José Mourinho—a legitimately legendary figure, a true visiona...
Maybe Arsenal Aren't Doomed Yet After All
If you were diagramming the worst possible scenario (which, Arsenal being Arsenal, would double as the most probable forecast for their coming campaign) for the Gunners’ season this year, you would’ve had this year being one of woe....
Enjoy Tottenham Now While It Lasts
What a time it is to be a Tottenham fan!...
Everton Fire Ronald Koeman, Who Really Fucked This Up
There are a few easy ways to define the worst team in the Premier League. One of them is to find the team with the least amount of talent. Another is to find the team most likely to get relegated. Everton, despite being 18th in the table after yesterday’s 5-2 loss to Arsenal, don’t (yet) fit either ...
I Can't Stop Watching This Video Of Petr Cech Slapping Ping Pong Balls Away From His Face
I don’t know if this video of Arsenal keeper Petr Cech batting away a bombardment of ping pong balls depicts the brilliant cutting edge of goalkeeper training, a fun but ultimately pointless exercise, or Arsenal’s real-life version of Blade Runner 2049's emotional baseline test, but what I do know i...
Craig Shakespeare Fired By Leicester City
To keep, or not to keep. That was the question. Whether ‘twas nobler in the mind of Leicester City’s board to suffer under a popular but mediocre manager just because his presence and style called to mind the glory days of a yore, or if the club should shit-can him in an effort to hopefully live up ...
Manchester City's Goal-Scorers Are Abundant And Ruthless
When you bring Pep Guardiola in to manage your team and give him roughly one hundred thousand trillion pounds to buy practically an entire new squad, you expect trophies and pretty play and goals. Like so many goals you can’t remember all the goals. Such a steady diet of goals and only goals that yo...
Álvaro Morata Gives A Master Class In Finishing
Chelsea striker Álvaro Morata notched a hat trick in the Blues’ 4-0 dismantling of Stoke City yesterday, continuing to prove why he was one of the most sought-after signings of the summer. Morata’s goals at the Britannia Stadium weren’t stunners, but each was a beautiful showcase of skill and finess...
Leroy Sané Opens Scoring Against Crystal Palace With Volley Off Defender's Head
Two weeks ago, we pled with Manchester City to free Leroy Sané. The Belgian was certainly liberated today as he provided his side a 1-0 lead on Crystal Palace with a marvelous demonstration of ball control—with a little help from the defender’s head....
Tottenham Fans Make A Very ... Interesting Lion King-Inspired Music Video
So, this video. It sure is something. Specifically, it is a group of Tottenham fans performing their Spurs-themed version of The Lion King’s “Circle of Life,” named “Tottenham For Life.” You should listen to it. It is, uhh, interesting....
The World Needs Manchester City To Free Leroy Sané
This weekend’s Manchester City-Liverpool match was all set to be the game of the week and maybe even one of the games of the season, but then Sadio Mané got sent off towards the end of the first half for nearly embedding the studs of his right boot into Ederson’s skull, and right then and there the ...
The English Premier League Is Dumb And Ruthless
Proud Americans were disappointed last season when Bob Bradley—the coach we hoped would be the Christian Pulisic of American managers, but turned out more like the coaching game’s Julian Green—was unceremoniously ousted from his coaching position at Swansea City after only 11 matches in charge. So C...
Premier League Votes To Close Transfer Window Before Season Begins
After much discussion about the relative pros and cons of the strategy, Premier League teams have reached an agreement today that, starting next year, the league’s summer transfer window will close the day before the season starts....
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Flees Sinking Ship For Liverpool
There had to be a point during Liverpool’s curb-stomping of Arsenal this past weekend when a few Gunners thought to themselves I’ve got to get the hell out of here. After being announced as Liverpool’s newest signing today, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain became the first to make good on that sentiment. He ...
Overconfident Goalkeeper Pays For His Casualness With Huge Boner
Ross County’s Scott Fox must’ve thought Rangers forward Alfredo Morelos had slid off the edge of the flat Earth after the keeper managed to juke away from Morelos’s tackle deep in Fox’s own penalty area. Unfortunately, the Earth is not flat—or at least the edge of it is not located just off the boun...
This Already Scary Liverpool Team Is Getting Even Better
Liverpool have spent the last generation in a strange state, a sort of high-end irrelevance. They’ve remained, for all but the topmost tier of players, a destination club—one with plentiful resources, a winning tradition, and one of the strongest fan bases in world soccer. The problem, though, is th...
Arsenal Are Who We Thought They Were
Already at this early stage of the season, is there anyone who still thinks Arsenal’s decision to bring back Arsène Wenger was a good idea?...
Manchester City's Owners Buy La Liga Club Girona
The long-awaited deal that adds newly promoted La Liga club Girona to City Football Group’s growing roster of world soccer teams appears to be all but completed. When it’s final, Girona will join MLS’s NYCFC and Manchester City, as well as clubs in Australia, Japan, and Uruguay in CFG’s portfolio....
Wayne Rooney Met Some Old Friends<em></em>
The photo above shows Everton striker Wayne Rooney antagonizing the nearby Manchester City fans after he’d just scored against the home team during yesterday’s match. The keen-eyed Twitter user @Mirallas noticed that this picture bears a striking resemblance to another post-goal Rooney celebration a...
David Silva's New Hairdo Bums Me Out
Hair loss, like death, is coming for us all. No matter how strong your genes are, life eventually steals your flowing locks and turns them white, or, worse yet, takes them altogether. You can fight it, but nature always wins. Which brings us to Manchester City attacker David Silva....