premier Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Premier League Player Banned 18 Months For Betting On Over 1,000 Soccer Matches
Burnley midfielder and one-time England international Joey Barton has been banned from soccer for 18 months by the F.A. today after an investigation revealed he had bet on 1,260 matches from 2006 to 2013, including at least five games in which he himself played. Barton released a statement owning up...
Alexis Sánchez Breaks Tie For Arsenal With Extra-Time Goal
Alexis Sánchez broke a 1-1 tie for Arsenal with a beautiful goal in extra-time against Manchester City in today’s semifinals of the FA Cup. With the win, Arsenal will now face Chelsea in the final....
Report: Knee Injury Will Keep Zlatan Ibrahimović Out For Rest Of Season
Zlatan Ibrahimović, Manchester United’s ageless striker, hyperextended his knee in yesterday’s Europa League match against Anderlecht. It looked like a bad injury in live time, and indeed it appears it was: Sky Sports is reporting that the injury is likely to end Ibrahimović’s season early....
Of Course Arsenal Want To Give Glass-Boned Jack Wilshere A New Contract
Last weekend, Jack Wilshere did what Jack Wilshere always does: get injured. This time (like last time) it’s a fibula fracture, and it has ended his season. In response, Arsenal are reportedly set to do what Arsenal always do: give yet another inflated contract to a guy who can’t stay healthy....
English Soccer Fans Learn Their Club Will Be Promoted To Premier League, Lose Their Minds<em></em>
Twenty years ago, English soccer club Brighton and Hove Albion were languishing in the fourth and lowest tier of the English Football League pyramid, at risk of losing their place in the league altogether. On Monday, they sealed their spot in the Premier League, and next season they’ll play in the t...
Batsman Destroys Tactical Laptop
Kolkata Knight Riders beat Sunrisers Hyderabad today in the IPL by 17 runs, and the losers might be able to blame a destroyed laptop for their offensive failures....
Will Falling Out Of The Top Four Be Enough To Bring Change To Arsenal?<em></em>
Now seems like as good a time as any to call it, even if it’s not out of the realm of possibility just quite yet: For the first time in 21 years, and the first time in Arsène Wenger’s incredibly long and storied career in England, Arsenal will not finish in the top four....
Crystal Palace Fans Serenade Lame Duck Arsenal Boss, Beg Him To Stay With His Team<em></em>
Seven points behind fourth place (albeit with two games in hand), Arsenal really needed to win away at Crystal Palace today. Instead Andros Townsend scored a squibber, Yohan Cabaye knocked in a banger, and third-choice goalkeeper Emiliano Martinez pulled down Townsend in the box, leading to a Luka M...
Everton Star Ross Barkley Got Punched Out At Liverpool Bar In "Unprovoked Attack"
Everton’s Ross Barkley was attacked at a bar last night in a scrap the midfielder’s lawyer claims was “unprovoked.” In the above video of the incident, you can see Barkley calmly talking with another man before the man starts swinging on Barkley seemingly out of nowhere....
Marc Albrighton Free Kick Stunner Caps Wild Opening Ten Minutes Of Everton-Leicester City
Four goals have been scored in the first 24 minutes of today’s Everton-Leicester City match, but none more impressive than Marc Albrighton’s free kick that beat Joel Robles in the tenth minute. That’s after a streaking Kevin Mirallas set up Tom Davies in the opening minute to give Everton a short-li...
Chelsea Training Features Sack-Tapping, Shit-Wrecking Hijinks
David Luiz and Diego Costa are, by all physical appearances, large adult men. Judging them by their behavior, though, you’d think they were mentally somewhere between the ages of 4 and 13. For evidence of this, here is Luiz whacking teammate John Terry in the nuts for fun:...
Striker Somehow Fails To Kick Ball Into Open Net From Point-Blank Range
You know what, rather than ridicule, Aberdeen striker Miles Storey deserves our sympathy. Yes, it’s never good to find a way not to score when you’re literally a foot away from an unguarded net, but the incoming cross was deflected, and it had to feel like shit to hear that sound the crowd made when...
Zlatan Ibrahimović And His Mountain-Sized Ego Give A Great Interview
As everyone should know by now, Zlatan Ibrahimović’s arrogance is unreal. For more proof, take the short interview above, in which the big Swede declares himself a lion, explains why he doesn’t compare himself to the other strikers in the Premier League by saying “lions, they don’t compare themselve...
Everton Score Stupid Goal, Manchester United Get Late Penalty, Both Go Home Unhappy
Today’s Manchester United-Everton game could’ve been a big deal to either team. If Everton won, they would’ve leapt over Arsenal and United to take the fifth spot in the table, just five points behind Man City in fourth; while they still would’ve had basically no realistic shot of finishing in the t...
Can A Gimpy Liverpool Hobble Over The Finish Line And Grab A Top Four Spot?
Last weekend felt like the hump. If Liverpool could just get out of that Everton match with three points and no big injuries, they could finally breathe easy, knowing that the remainder of their schedule was weak and well-spaced enough to form a clear path to the top four and a Champions League spot...
Here's Arsène Wenger Physically Embodying The Despair Of Arsenal's Season
Watch this video of an anguished Arsène Wenger as he looks upon his charges while they conspire to throw away the work they’d done just moments earlier to get back on level terms with Manchester City. Wenger sees Mesut Özil cough the ball up, watches City carve up Arsenal’s back line with ease, and ...
David Moyes Apologizes For Threatening To Slap Female Reporter, Says More Dumb Stuff
Today, Sunderland manager David Moyes has publicly responded to a newly released video in which he can be heard saying “You still might get a slap even though you’re a woman” to BBC reporter Vicki Sparks after a postgame interview from a couple weeks ago....
International Duty Wiped Out Everton And Ronald Koeman Is Pissed Again
The FIFA virus has hit Everton hard, wreaking havoc on their expected lineup ahead of this weekend’s big rivalry game against Liverpool. If there’s one man who can’t stand this particular illness, and who has no compunction making his frustration perfectly clear to those he considers at fault, it’s ...
Premier League Owners Ask For Post-Brexit Protection For Player Immigration
English Premier League club owners are requesting that the government work to ensure that their teams are not put at a competitive disadvantage with the country’s upcoming departure from the European Union. ...
Wayne Rooney's Potential Return To Everton Actually Makes Lots Of Sense
It’s long felt inevitable that one of these days Everton’s prodigal son Wayne Rooney would return home. Judging from a report in the Independent that quotes sources close to Everton and Manchester United as believing the move is “likely to happen” this summer, we might be mere months away from seein...