sons Page 35 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manny Ramirez's Dreads Will Cause Drug Use, Abortion, Gayness, Blindness, Fan Tells The A's Triple-A Affiliate In Insane Voicemail
This disgruntled fan of the Sacramento River Cats would like you to know that she is NOT fuddy duddy. Nor is she a crackpot. She just thinks that Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks are the reason that "unwholesomeness" is spreading across the American landscape. I strongly urge you to listen to this voic...
“At Least I Am Not Raising A Pussy Rugby Player”: Rec League Softball Coach Taunts Concussed Player
We love us some overwrought rec league emails. Today's comes from a Wednesday night non-competitive softball league in the suburbs of an unnamed American city. One player member informed his teammates last night via email that he won't be able to make tonight's games because of an injury suffered ye...
"I Am Sorry If I Had Disappoint You": A Dialogue Between An Extremely Frustrated Gamer And <em>Madden</em> Tech Support
From tipster "Peter King" comes this transcript of his encounter with Electronic Arts tech support. Mr. "King" comes bearing questions about his online Madden league. Manish from tech support brings up a nonexistent "online pass." Relations deteriorate pretty quickly from there. Watch as our Madden ...
It Takes A Special Kind Of Mom To Disown Her Child Over Voicemail
Once in a while, we're offered a glimpse into the dark heart of the American family. The above voicemail is one such instance. Reader Ben provides the background:...
Another Angry Voicemail: "What In The Hell's Wrong With You?" Said The Tebow Fan To The Local TV Station
Another day, another angry voicemail. This one comes to us from a Pittsburgh TV anchor, who writes in:...
Pissed-Off College Student Leaves Greatest Voicemail Ever
If you've ever attended school at any level, you know how infuriating it can be when some dipshit administrator screws up your paperwork and sticks you in the wrong class. Or even worse, when they actively try to prevent you from switching out of that class into the class you wanted. Well, one br...
Member Of Prestigious Golf Club Scolds Others For Pissing On The Greens, Cavorting In The Nude, Picking Up A Golf Ball With "Naked Butt Cheeks," And Much More
Piedmont Driving Club is synonymous with one word: prestige. Well, as of a few minutes ago it was, anyway. Recently, one aggrieved member wrote a letter to the club's president, John R. Holder, detailing the predominantly naked and drunken tomfoolery at a members golf tournament. You can find that l...
"Some People Have To Be Protected Against Themselves": Hockey League Pleads With Players To Stop Boozing During Games
Today's overwrought rec league email carries a tinge of desperation. Coming to us from an adult hockey league in the Chicago suburbs, it's a cry in the dark from an overworked, under-appreciated league director, who wonders why a bunch of grown men can't get together to play hockey without drinking ...
Meet The Boxing Coach Whose Specialty Is Training "A Bunch Of Fucking Nerds, Wall Street Guys"
Eric Kelly gives boxing lessons at the Church Street Boxing Gym, which is located in New York's Financial District. His credentials speak for themselves: four-time national amateur champion, two-time New York City Golden Gloves champion, alternate for the 2000 U.S. Olympic team, a lazy left eye fro...
<em>Scenes From a Marriage</em>, But Longer And With Fart Jokes. <em>The Five-Year Engagement</em>, Reviewed.
1. There are several long stretches in which The Five-Year Engagement is the polar opposite of what anyone would consider "romantic" or "comedy." Jason Segel has always had a tinge of self-aggrandizing self-pity in his characters—the ones he plays, the ones he writes, and both—but for swaths of The ...
Three Fat Ex-Packers Linemen Have A Wine Label Called "Three Fat Guys"
What do people in Wisconsin like? Yup, the Packers. And what do people in Wisconsin also like? Yup, alcohol....
Peanuts, Cracker Jack, And Chaw: This Young Rangers Fan Is A Spitting Image Of Dad [UPDATE]
It's just a few days into the baseball season, but we're already reminded that some of the best action takes place in the stands, not on the field. Here's an example, as a young Rangers supporter takes after his father both in physical resemblance and, it appears, in the use of smokeless tobacco....
10 Historical Events That Would've Been Completed In The Interval Between MLB's First And Last Opening Days This Year
1. Anglo-Zanzibar War (38 minutes) 2. Death and resurrection of Jesus (according to Bible) (36 hours) 3. October Revolution (2 days) 4. Bay of Pigs Invasion (3 days) 5. Operation Desert Fox (4 days) 6. The ground conflict of the Gulf War (4 days) 7. February Revolution (5 days) 8. Six-Day War (6 day...
When Does Major League Baseball Season Begin?
When is Opening Day? Did you know it already happened? This week, the Mariners and Athletics split a two-game series in the Tokyo Dome. Kids in Oakland and Seattle rushed home from school to watch them from 2 to 5 a.m....
For Clobbering Blake Griffin, Basketball Thug Jason Smith Gets A Light Slap On The Wrist
What's the NBA penalty for deliberately knocking down a star player when he's defenseless, trying to provoke a brawl with his teammates, and then waving your arms to gloat and incite the home crowd after being ejected? Two games. File this one away for the next time David Stern gets mad about the dr...
Hornets Fans Gave Jason Smith A Standing Ovation After His Ejection For This Kill Shot On Blake Griffin
The Hornets' Jason Smith earned a Flagrant 2 foul and an automatic ejection after this hard foul on Blake Griffin, but earned the admiration of New Orleans fans on his way out. ...
Just A Reminder That Knicks Ticket Prices Are Still Going Up
In the wake of the latest Knicks' meltdown and salting of the earth, we thought it worth the time to ask Madison Square Garden if season ticket prices are still going up as planned next year—an average of 4.9 percent, with most of the increases in the upper levels....
Confessions Of A Fan Photographer: The Abyss Gazes Back!
Republished with permission from The Classical....
The Making Of “Homer At The Bat,” The Episode That Conquered Prime Time 20 Years Ago Tonight
On Feb. 20, 1992, more American homes tuned into The Simpsons than they did The Cosby Show or the Winter Olympics from Albertville, France. A foul-mouthed cartoon on a fourth-place network bested the Huxtables and the world's best amateur athletes. Fox over NBC and CBS—its first-ever victory in prim...
Lapdogs And Luxury Boxes: A New-Look MSG Welcomes The Westminster Dog Show
James Dolan hates this dog....