sports Page 767 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Cherry-Pit Spitting Contest Makes For Great Copy
This is a great article for a sweaty Saturday evening. It's short, sweet and absolutely absurd. Let's start with the headline:...

Chicago Paper: Cubs Not A Total Train Wreck, Like That Actual Train Wreck On The Front Page
The Cubs have been a mess for a while, so expectations have been a bit...lowered, let's say. To that end, the Daily Herald decided to take a page from Theo Epstein's "parallel-track" outlook for remaining competitive (woops!) in 2012 while also building for the future and run with it for a "mid-sea...

Adrian Peterson Reportedly Shoved Off-Duty Cop Working Security At Night Club
According to TMZ, Kase Smith, public information officer for the Houston police department, claims Peterson shoved an off-duty cop who was working as a bouncer in the club he visited last night. The officer/bouncer reportedly told Peterson it was time to leave and Peterson apparently ignored the in...

Annual Spain Is Full Of Drunk Psychotics Festival Begins Today
"Spain is different to anything I've experienced before,' said Michael Arraztoa, 25, from Bakersfield, California."...
![Reports: Vikings RB Adrian Peterson Arrested, Charged With Resisting Arrest [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17s3q72lnjwbojpg.jpg)
Reports: Vikings RB Adrian Peterson Arrested, Charged With Resisting Arrest [UPDATE]
Details are still sketchy but according to the Houston Chronicle, Adrian Peterson may still be in a Houston jail (he's since been released on $1,000 bond) in connection with resisting arrest charges....

Carl Crawford Called Racial Slur, <i>Boston Globe</i> Quotes Urban Dictionary
Carl Crawford suffered a "a mild left groin strain" hustling for a triple during a minor league rehab game. He will resume his rehab stint after at least five days. It's a bummer for Crawford and the Red Sox, but it may be a welcome respite as New England residents perpetuate stereotypes....

Padres Fan Gets Hit By Foul Ball Because Of Mark Zuckerberg
All Travis Decker wanted to do was let his friends know he was at a Padres game. Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, Travis Decker can tell all his friends that he was at a Padres game. Also thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, Travis Decker can upload the picture of the giant welt he will surely have on his clavicle...

Freeh Investigation Report Said To Be "Tough On Paterno"
According to ESPN The Magazine's Don Van Natta, Jr., The Freeh report should be released as soon as next week. It is expected to be bad for Joe Paterno....

Ray Allen Leaves Boston Just As He Found It: In Shambles
Last night Ray Allen told Miami Heat officials that he will be accepting their "mini mid-level" contract offer of about $3 million. Boston is reacting with its usual restrained dignity. He's now being called a traitor or Judus. (Funny story about Ray Allen: he was once in a movie and played a guy c...

Compared To Boston, Chicago Media Is Paradise For Kevin Youkilis
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Youk only says that because he's not a Cub....

The Top 22 Athlete Nicknames Of All Time
The Deadspin staff has determined the funniest, most creative, and most memorable pro athlete nicknames of all time. The list:...

Rugby Team Pissed About Rival That Allegedly Urinates In Own Shorts Before Matches
Australian newspaper The Daily Telegraph reported today Illawarra District Rugby Union is looking into a complaint that an unnamed Avondale rugby player urinated in his shorts before a match against Vikings in order to put off would-be tacklers....

This Is A Really Unfortunate Trading Card
You know those game-worn jersey trading cards, with a swatch of cloth cut from a player's uniform? They have those for pro wrestling too. Usually not sweaty spandex, thankfully. Like this 2001 Chris Jericho "event-worn t-shit" insert, with a couple square inches taken from precisely the wrong spot o...

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Took An Andy Murray Drive Right To The Willy
Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga bounced back from a two-set disadvantage to take the third in today's Wimbledon semifinal against Andy Murray, though the set win came at a cost. Tsonga took a shot from Murray right to the crotch, a blast that left him crumpled on the grass and writhing in pain. We'r...

Oops! Joe Paterno Knew How To Use Email After All
The Chronicle of Higher Education is reporting today that it has obtained evidence demonstrating that, contrary to claims from his family's legal representatives, former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was in fact able to use email. And he wasn't afraid to do so in order to try and protect hi...

Caption Contest: What Are These Mets Fans Up To?
It's Friday, and we feel like giving away stuff. Take your best shot at captioning this screencap, and we'll award the best one an actual prize of some crap from our desk. We'll announce the winner Monday. Have at it!...

Miami Fox Affiliate Breathlessly Reports Heat Signing Of Ray Allen They Learned From A Fake Twitter Account
Ray Allen is indeed in Miami talking over a possible deal to sign with the Heat, but the contract's far from signed. Don't tell Miami's Fox affiliate WSVN that, though, as they interrupted tonight's newscast to deliver the breaking news that Allen had signed a three-year, $11 million contract....
![This Mets Fan Who Took A Nasty Tumble On Live TV Earns A Yellow Card For Diving [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
This Mets Fan Who Took A Nasty Tumble On Live TV Earns A Yellow Card For Diving [UPDATE]
As SNY went to break after the top of the seventh of tonight's Phillies-Mets matchup at Citi Field, cameras caught one mets fan taking a tumble and sending his beer cups flying. We all got a good laugh out of it—as did the SNY announcers—but a closer inspection reveals it was all staged. ...

A Rich History Of Games Played Without An Audience
The mid-Atlantic storms last weekend weren't severe enough to derail the AT&T National, but they were enough to keep fans away. All of 'em, actually, per the tournament's decree. So Stefan Fatsis, on this week's excerpt from Slate's Hang Up and Listen podcast, went looking for other great moments ...

This Is The Best Free Kick Goal By An Eight-Year-Old You'll See For Awhile
We have pretty much zero information on this, other than it showed up on YouTube today with comments disabled and in the wrong format. We could ask questions, but it's better to just enjoy what's a pretty outstanding free kick most adults would fail in an attempt....