w Page 4823 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Just Asking ...
We're watching the Spelling Bee, and find it amusing that the head judge in a contest for children is judged by a priest....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while coughing up that piece of wax fruit ... Arrivadercci Amare: Spurs reach NBA Finals. First Day, Scripps National Spelling Bee: Evan O'Dorney of Walnut Creek, Calif., advances by nailing "lederhosen." Lee's five hits power Cubs past Dodgers. In Juan Gonzalez terms, that's five se...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch now that "According to Jim" is in reruns ... Rangers go for 10th straight win. Face it, they're red hot — and your fantasy team has none of them. Game 5: Spurs at Suns: San Antonio set to wrap up Operation Desert Yawn. Braves at Nationals. Inspired by Deep Throat story, MLB to reveal a...
Buy The Nationals!
Wanted: Wealthy individual (white preferred. sorry!) willing to plunk down $400 million for franchise with limited television rights, decaying stadium and loyal (if a little too black) fan base. Must be open to making no decisions and following orders from former car salesmen and lawyers. Oh, and yo...
Nick Lachey's Typist <em>Really</em> Mad
Honestly, the city of Cincinnati just drives us crazy. On one hand, they arrest people for trying to show art. On the other, Jerry Springer was their mayor. Creationism museum? Put it in Cincy! Need a sportswriter? Grab Nick Lachey!...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while seceretly meeting with Bob Woodward in a parking garage ......
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch while loitering in the TV department at Circuit City ... Game 4: Miami Heat at Detroit Pistons: Larry Brown angrily denies report that his team is playing tonight. England, Beckham take on Colombia ... in New Jersey. Whose idea was this? Chicago Cubs at LA Dodgers. To save time we'll t...
Well, At Least He's Not Fighting Anymore
The show: Dancing With The Stars The premise: "Six celebrities and their professional partners embark on an intense competition — live — in front of a studio audience and the nation." The date: Tomorrow night, 9 p.m. ET The celebrity cast: Joey McIntyre (former New Kid; the gay one, we think) Tris...
Come See The Silly Sports!
We are but a month away from The World Games. What are The World Games, you ask? They're essentially a yearly audition for the Olympics by all the goofy sports that really would like to make it to the real games....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while hopelessly entangled in the volleyball net ... Suns unnecessarily extend tedium. Frank Thomas returns from DL, sparking White Sox to ... no wait, he's hurt again. Men attack each other with large sticks for two hours. No one is arrested.—Rick Chandler...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch While Searching For Your Pants ... Red Sox at Yankees: I'll have two beers, please ... one for drinkin', and one for throwin'. Gentlemen, start your Fandango. Unnecessary remake of Burt Reynolds classic The Longest Yard opens at a theater near you. Senior PGA Championship. Come watch t...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while your house was being trashed by that annoying Cat in the Hat... Alex Rodriguez hits 17th homer. Rest of American League enters therapy. Justin Leonard climbs to top of St. Jude leaderboard, threatens to jump. Ryan Newman's record lap wins Coca-Cola 600 pole. Did that sentence m...
To Watch Tonight ...
Elvis once shot his TV for less than this ... Tigers at Yankees. It's Alex Rodriguez Therapy Night; the first 5,000 therapists who have treated A-Rod get a free foam No. 1 finger. FedEx St. Jude PGA Classic, Round 1. Come play in a tournament named for the patron saint of impossible causes. French O...
Colin Powell Set To Be Marginalized Again
This is what President George Bush did to Colin Powell: He saw that he was an extremely popular public figure; gave him an initial high-ranking, visible position (Secretary of State); did all the real maneuvering behind his back (with Dick Cheney); waited until he needed his public persona the mos...
About Last Night ...
Things you missed after being cast adrift by the mutineers ... Heat evens series with Pistons 1-all: All you've been able to talk about at work today is Dwayne Wade, which is odd, since you were fired from that job in March. Liverpool wins Euro Club Championship. AC Milan loses when Scott Norwood pe...
To Watch Tonight ...
She left me! How can I go on? How can I ... oh, I remember: TV sports. Game 2: Detroit Pistons at Miami Heat. In the time it takes Shaq to run the length of the court, six million pounds of cocaine have been smuggled into the U.S by boat. Houston Astros at Chicago Cubs. Damn you, Red Sox! We were su...
Blogger's Stockholm Syndrome
One of our favorite unheralded blogs is The Yankee Despiser. Essentially, some guy who can't stand the Yankees writes just about everything you'd ever need to know about the Yankees. Frankly, we find more information and commentary about the Yankees there than we do at most fan blogs. Anyway, TYD — ...
About Last Night ...
What you missed due to the restraining order ... Spurs go up 2-0 on Suns: Our immunity to NBA Fever still has physicians baffled. Yankees clobber Tigers: A-Rod gets two homers. Or was that I-Rod? Jor-El? Ack, green kryptonite! Bucks win NBA Lottery: A 6.3 percent longshot comes through, giving hope ...
To Watch Tonight ...
Please welcome, making another appearance on our sofa — my ass. (Applause) Game 2: Spurs at Suns. Come see the franchise based solely on air conditioning. Dodgers at Giants: This used to be fun, back when Bonds and Beltre were juiced. NBA Draft Lottery: In which you are humiliated by a ping pong bal...