w Page 5057 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Justify The Size Of Your Head, Sir"
We were particularly amused this afternoon by this clever piece on McSweeney's, otherwise known as "the Web site for those who don't actually have time to finish anything but can still call themselves a writer by getting a sestina about 'Survivor' published." (We kid McSweeney's; we love McSweeney's...
NFL Pants Party: AFC North
This might be our favorite division in football. Big Ben's bashed up face/appendix combo, Joey Porter, the Bengals cavalcade of feloniousness, Ray Lewis and sex tapes and murder raps ... oh, and the Browns too. What do the kids think?...
NFL Pants Party: AFC East
Personally, we think the AFC East would be a lot more fun to make predictions for if Troy Brown had to play quarterback for the Patriots every game. Oh, and is Culpepper organizing the rookie party for the Dolphins this year?...
NFL Season Preview: Carolina Panthers
We are officially one day before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting their face...
"This Is The Parts Where They Say Who They Thinks Gonna Win"
In his nightmares, this is what Chris Fowler imagines every viewer of College GameDay is like....
NFL Pants Party: AFC South
Because the season starts, oh, tomorrow, we figured it was probably time to start laying out some of the predictions for you, division by division. So here's a quick roundup of predictions from around the series of tubes we call the Internet....
Who Can Make A Difference? Parents Like You
One just never knows what mayhem will erupt when the Redskins meet the Bears. Anything can happen ... um, did we mention that these Redskins and Bears are 12 years old? Proving that the ghost of Woody Hayes does indeed roam the earth looking for bodies to possess, an assistant youth football coach i...
Hall Of Fame Inductee: You're With Me, Leather
Presenting ... the first member of the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame ......
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you ponder "Who was our best president ever?" ... • Boxing: Cory Spinks vs. Larry Marks. Light middleweights, in case you were wondering. [ESPN] • Tennis: US Open, Day 9 coverage from the USTA Tennis Center, Flushing Meadows, New York. This had better not interfere with Monk. [USA] ...
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marcus "New Mexico" Vick
We can't take credit for the beauty that is Ron Mexico, because it came before our time, so we can only have fun with the next best thing: His little brother Marcus, who has the most fun you can possibly have without actually having herpes....
NFL Season Preview: Kansas City Chiefs
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...
You Take It ... No, You Take It ... No, YOU Take It!
From the Magazines That We All Loved As A Child And Now We Need To Be Reminded, In Fact, Exist Department, the St. Louis kids at The Sporting News learned today they have finally been sold, to, of all people, Si Newhouse and the Conde Nast empire....
NFL Season Preview: Arizona Cardinals
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people paintin...
Blyleven Isn't Out Solving That Thing; He's F—-ing It Up
You know, it's a sad day when a broadcaster can't let loose a couple of "fucks" on the air without getting suspended for it....
All We Can Say Is, Crikey
This is probably not even considered inside the realm of sports, but when a guy in khaki shorts suddenly appears on your television wrestling a large emu — when no large emu wrestling had ever been on your television before — well, that's sports to us. We were saddened to learn of the death of "The ...
The Daily Closer: Red Pinstripes In Morning, NL Take Warning
Notes from a day in baseball:...
NFL Season Preview: Pittsburgh Steelers
(We're still taking the day off, but we thought we'd toss this out there for you, so you had something today. Plus, it's really good. See you tomorrow.)...
Waiting Patiently For Art Modell To Die
I know this is perverse, but I can't quite decide just how perverse. Actually, I probably know, but choose not to acknowledge it, because I also find it amusing....
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football. Kentucky @ Louisville. I think the winner should be awarded a lifesize, bronze, Rick Pitino. 8:00, ESPN. • MLB Baseball. Angels @ Tigers. The Tigers haven't been on Sunday Night Baseball since 2000. 8:00, ESPN2. • NASCAR. Nextel Cup, Sony HD 500. Most people will be watching in s...
To Watch Tonight...
• Tennis. US Open, Men's @ Women's, Third Round. Or, whatever they decide to show in the event of a rain delay. 7:00, USA. • College Football. BYU @ Arizona. Get ready for some hot Mormon action. 10:15, TBS. • College Football. Notre Dame @ Georgia Tech. Hopefully, Brady Quinn's sister can pull hers...