Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Telestrator Dong: An Analysis

Illustration for article titled Telestrator Dong: An Analysis

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to Subject: Morning crap.

What's with you people and crudely drawn, superimposed penii on your football broadcasts? Within minutes of this little number popping up during last night's Ole Miss/LSU Klan Bowl, three separate readers all felt the urge to rewind their DVR, photograph it, and send it in, all within a ten-minute span of each other. (Props to reader Zan for being first by 90 seconds, and for giving his e-mail the subject line "PEN 15."

Something so geometrically simple is bound to emerge, especially to a brain that millions of years of evolution has conditioned to seek pattens. Of course the analyst is going to circle a player or players who did something notable; there's your ballsack. And of course the analyst is going to draw a horizontal line indicating where that player moves to. Add a second, parallel line to show him doubling back, or even just for emphasis, and there's your shaft.


What is it about telestrator dongs that so speaks to the human, or at least male, spirit? Is it the combination of our most testosterone-infused sport with our most testosterone-influenced organ? Perhaps it's a desire to reconnect with our boyhoods, now so remote in our memories, when an inadvertant sexually-charged reference in an inappropriate setting would never fail to elicit titters. Or maybe it's just that legions of comedians are correct when they say that we think with our penis.

One thing's for certain; telestrator dong will never stop being funny.


Another Sunday spent with you, my Internet friends. Buy some chips and salsa, put the beer on ice, and let's be on the lookout for vaguely penis-shaped drawings atop our football players.

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