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In recent months, we have done everything in our power to institute a moratorium on Terrell Owens-related news, if just so that, if we were hit by a bus tomorrow, we would be able to talk to our maker with our pure heart, free of egregious sin.

But, alas, we have no choice now. As you surely know, over the weekend, Terrell Owens signed with the Dallas Cowboys. It's a three-year deal, and there's absolutely no way that could go poorly, nope.

The real fun, however, is to be found at Owens' official site, where T.O. can be heard rapping about joining the Cowboys. Seriously. We tried to transcribe the lyrics, but our ears wouldn't stop bleeding. We jotted down, "To the haters who said I wouldn't get my money/I laugh, say 'Ha ha, that's funny'" and "I'm back and I'm better than ever/I m back and I'm getting this cheddar/This time I m a Cowboy/And I'm got 'em sayin' wow, boy." And then we died. Right there. This is a ghost typing. A deeply unhappy ghost.

TerrellOwens.com
Terrell Owens Is A Cowboy [The Cowboy Roundup]

(UPDATE: For whatever reason, the rap isn't on T.O.'s site right now. You can find a story about the song right here.)