Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Thank God For Crack

I bet you saw that headline and thought this post was about Michael Irvin, didn't you? But it's not. It's a story about an alligator and a crackead, and just in case things don't go the Gators' way later on today, I'd like to present you this story, where the gator did win. At least for a little while.

It doesn't have much of a connection to sports, but it is somewhat amusing. In Florida, a naked man with a crack problem decided to make his way through twenty yards of brush and bushes to take a swim in the waist-high muddy water of Lake Parker. It's not the kind of place where you'll find a lifeguard on duty. You will find alligators, though. Ill-tempered alligators who do not like crack users.


When police eventually showed up (and you can listen to the 911 call of a concerned citizen), they engaged in a "tug of war" with the gator, and after about 30 seconds of a struggle, the gator let him go. Despite one arm being nearly severed, the other broken, and large bites on his ass and thighs, the officer described the crackhead as being "oddly calm." If that's not an endorsement for crack use, then I don't know what it is.

So, yeah... best of luck, Gators.

Hear the 911 tape: 'Help, a gator's got me!' screams naked man on crack []

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