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The B.S. Report Report: Back To Basketball


Julia Alvidrez, Gawker Media's operations manager, is an unabashed fan of Bill Simmons and everything Grantland. She is also an occasional reader of Deadspin. Every week, she will recap Simmons's podcast, The B.S. Report, for us.

This week the "B" in "B.S." stands for basketball. The "S" still stands for shit. The Lakers' coaching controversy dominated 75 percent of Bill's discussions this week, forcing me to sit through two hours of stuff I barely understood. I did enjoy the part where Bill called up his dad to chat about the Celtics, and I can't object to stories about Michael Jordan. But the rest was a jumbled mess of triangles, trade scenarios, and wondering who's really to blame for the failing Princeton offense. (It's Kobe). The remaining 25 percent of the podcasts consisted of Cousin Sal picking the Week 11 lines, some realizations about quarterbacks, and an expert opinion on the NHL lockout.


Last week was a rough one for quarterbacks. After Vick got his bell rung, I finally let him go from my fantasy team, and I'm sure Bill did the same. Sports Guy wonders if Eli Manning is concussed, but Sal thinks it's an excuse and that he's just that bad. However, as Bill points out, Eli "hasn't not started since he started starting." Very true. Sal and Bill also agree that skinny Josh Freeman has gone largely underrated.

Our Sports Guy Moment of the Week comes to us in the last two minutes of this episode, when Bill's daughter makes it clear that she needs the Kings, and she needs them now!

I don't know a whole lot about basketball. The last team I followed through an entire season was the '08 Suns. At that time I was really into this guy from Phoenix, but unfortunately he had a girlfriend. In order to mislead her into thinking I was just a friend, I pretended to follow the Suns so that I could hang out at the guy's house, watch TV and high-five. Needless to say it didn't work out for me, or the Suns that year. Not only was I left alone, but I now had a genuine interest in Steve Nash to deal with. Fortunately once the prospect of dating a smart, good-looking, hilarious guy was removed, my interest in basketball quickly fell by the wayside. Come to think of it, anytime I find myself interested in sports, there's typically a dubious plan or other selfish goal lurking just below the surface. Oops—I've said too much. Where were we?


On Monday morning, when I found out that the Lakers, my home team, had hired Mike D'Antoni over Phil Jackson I hoped the universe had given me a sign. If Nash and D'Antoni can be reunited, can I reignite the flame between me and my lost love? Doubtful. He's not even on Facebook. But listening to Bill joke around with Sports Guy, Sr. gives me confidence that I will be able to maintain my own interest in basketball this season. I'm already wrapped up in Phil Jackson's love life and I'm looking forward to whatever emotional roller coaster the Nets want to take me on. But I suppose this means I'm going to have to actually pay attention to what Zach Lowe has to say. Maybe I'll start next week. Until then, good job on this one, Billy.

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