Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

The B.S. Report Report: Time For Pizza


Julia Alvidrez, Gawker Media's operations manager, is an unabashed fan of Bill Simmons and everything Grantland. She is also an occasional reader of Deadspin. Every week, she will recap Simmons's podcast, The B.S. Report, for us.

This week our office is full of holiday buzz which means I've been dealing with a lot of BS of my own. Welcoming guests, tracking flights, and finding enough chairs to put butts in means less time for goofing off. I'm so busy I even forgot to set my fantasy football lineup! But I'm playing Daulerio so I don't have much to worry about. I always make time for Sports Guy, though, and this week is no exception. He welcomes Cousin Sal to guess the Week 15 lines, Jonah Keri and JackO talk baseball, and Kevin Wildes brings a bevy of half-baked ideas to the table.


I'm pretty sure Bill cheated this week, because he got way too many lines right on the nose. I really like winning, so I'll cheat when it's necessary, or when it's fun, or when it's just too easy to pass up. So I can't judge Bill for his actions. But I am a tiny bit disappointed. Sal shocks Bill late in the podcast when he tells him that the Jets are 6-7, which means they technically could still make the playoffs. I don't like Jets fans, so I hope they lose just so I don't have to see them in bars anymore. If you care about Homeland, but don't like what's going on right now, listen to the last five minutes of this podcast for a bit of shit-talking.

So: I'm not all that into baseball. If you are, listen to Bill talk to Jonah and Jack-O. If you're not, listen until Bill says "soliloquy," and then turn it off.

As for Wildes: Let me begin by saying there was something weird going on with this podcast. It sounds like it was recorded in a blanket fort. But it could have been recorded in a cave of echos and it still would have been the best thing I listened to all week. Half-baked ideas include Rapid Relationship Recovery, an on-demand service for minor relationship snafus, and a for-profit basketball gym, which is really just a gym. The best half baked idea is Wildes's Slice TV; a cable channel dedicated entirely to pizza. It's based on the idea that cable channels are becoming more and more specific and that there really is a niche for everyone. For example, there's a Lakers channel. Slice TV would have something called Real Pizza News, a pizza reality show that Bills calls The Real Pizza Boys of Beverly Hills and two hours dedicated to gluten free pies. I won't spoil it all, so you'll have to listen in for our Sports Guy Moment of the Week.

We'll be back on Slice after this...

Share This Story