The B.S. Report Report: Winter Malaise

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Julia Alvidrez, Gawker Media's operations manager, is an unabashed fan of Bill Simmons and everything Grantland. She is also an occasional reader of Deadspin. Every week, she will recap Simmons's podcast, The B.S. Report, for us.

I don't have to tell you that the holidays are a stressful time of year. Traveling, small talk, and inevitably locking myself in my apartment until the sunshine comes back are things I have to spend all year emotionally preparing for. Nine months out of the year I attempt to instill structure, and other adult-like attributes in my life, but the minute Christmas decorations hit store shelves that all goes out the window. To combat the impending stress I shed all sense of responsibility, empty my bank account, and eat only desserts. I'm about two weeks deep into this holiday lifestyle and I should be experiencing glee and merriment, but something feels off. I'm defiantly broke, and my stomach is filled with candy, so what could be wrong? As anyone in my position would do, I turn to Sports Guy for direction.

Monday gets off to a macabre start as Bill and Sal force us listeners to face the truth and come to terms with the fact that football season will soon come to an end. As Sal laments, I ask myself, "Is this the source of my unusual holiday distress?" I'd like to think football doesn't have that strong an impact on my emotional stability, but I guess will find out come February. Until then, I refuse to believe this is the case. We move on to the Week 13 lines and for the first time in recent memory Sports Guy takes home the win! It's a bitter sweet week for Bill though as he recounts the Seahawks loss against the Dolphins on Sunday. Bill and I have Russell Wilson as our fantasy quarterback, and we don't blame him, but this team just isn't doing it for us anymore. With their struggles on the road, and sloppy defense, Bill has officially ruled them out as a playoff contender. Needless to say I'm starting Kaepernick this week.


Bill's special guest this Friday is statistician and alleged witch Nate Silver. We all know who he is, so I'll spare you the introduction. It doesn't even matter, because this podcast is a few weeks too late. Forty minutes of reflecting on election stats, and riveting questions such as "Why do so many people hate math?" were far from interesting. I couldn't even bring myself to come up with a Sports Guy Moment of the Week. So disappointing. The highlight of the podcast is when Nate says that teachers should use sports stats in order to get kids interested in math. This is a great idea. But when it comes to abstract algebra your interest is going to have to stretch farther than RBIs and batting average. This isn't what I wanted to hear about, anyway. Let's talk about gambling. Where's my inside scoop? I want math tricks! Wait a minute, I want what?! Am I actually trying to learn something here? I'm worse off than I thought. So as the week comes to a close and with only two podcasts under my belt, I still wonder why I'm lacking in holiday gusto. For once, even Sports Guy can't cheer me up.