The best in at least a week, maybe more. It's just tremendous: "Scunthorpe fans asked not to dress as squirrels for Alan Knill return."
If you come across the headline "Scunthorpe fans asked not to dress as squirrels for Alan Knill return" tell me you're not clicking on that story. You are definitely clicking on that story. Why would people be dressing up as squirrels? Where do you get stuff to dress up as squirrels? Is dressing up like a squirrel a common thing in England? [SPOILER: this is about English soccer. I know; it caught me by surprise me, too.] Do people just go around dressing up as squirrels and officials have begun to take preventative measures?
You're clicking on that story.
OK, how about some context? First, the whos. Scunthorpe United are a football club from Scunthorpe in England's Football League Two. Alan Knill is the former coach of Scunthorpe and current coach of the visiting Torquay United. Now, the what.
Knill suffered a bizarre accident last year when the manager of Scunthorpe when he collided with a squirrel while out cycling.
The rodent got caught up in his spokes and sent Knill flying off his bike. Knill survived, the squirrel died.
"It was quite serious at the time, I was flying through the air," Knill told the Scunthorpe Telegraph. "I came off my bike at 20-whatever miles an hour, an ambulance was called and everything – I could have died.
"I'm worrying every night about football, about this, about that, I could have been dead.
Apparently, in anticipation of razzing Knill in his return, one Scunthorpe fan tweeted at the club asking if fans would be banned from the stadium for wearing "squirrel attire." Squirrel attire. A Wes Anderson squirrel. The team responded that fans would not be banned, but the club would prefer you didn't come to stadium dressed to the squirrel-nines.
I'm not sure why they're worried about squirrels when "Scunny Bunny" is out there terrorizing the crowd, claiming to be a mascot.
Update: Oh, hey.
More: A Squirrel scores a goal.
Photo credit: Getty