Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled The Constantly Stupid Braves Announcing Booth Has Infected Jeff Francoeur
Photo: John Amis (AP)

Even in a profession that asks old men to talk about baseball non-stop for four hours a night, the Atlanta Braves’ announcing team stands out for its dedication to infuriating dumbassery. Most often, it’s the duo of Joe Simpson and Chip Caray who do the heavy lifting, running their mouths about suitable batting practice attire or questioning the age of Dominican prodigies. In retrospect, it was only a matter of time before their advanced case of brain worms spread to the much younger and healthier analyst Jeff Francoeur. During today’s game, Frenchy fired off a take that feels like a parody of every “old-school” baseball man’s personal philosophy: Dingers are potential rally killers.

“Don’t get me wrong, we all love the home run stats,” Francoeur began after hearing that the Braves lead the National League in doubles. “But I love the double stats, too, because, to me, you’re just keeping rallies going, you’re keeping the line moving. Not that you won’t take home runs, but sometimes home runs are rally killers.”


Sigh. At least he, uh, only half-heartedly doubled down when confronted on the take:

Two-base hits are worse than home runs, which do not kill an offense’s momentum. Somebody hire me to be an announcer.

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