The Crummy Giants Should Bring Back This Piece Of Shit Crab

Hey, who remembers this ugly piece of shit?

That piece of shit up there is the Crazy Crab. The San Francisco Giants unveiled him during their lousy 1984 season as an “anti-mascot,” designed to be hated by the home fans. He stuck around that season because the Giants were crap, and the brass liked the Crazy Crab as a sponge of violent fan catharsis. It apparently got bad enough that the Giants eventually put the actor inside the Crab in a crash helmet and reinforced the back of the suit with steel!

Here’s a 30 for 30 short about the Crazy Crab:

The Crazy Crab last made a loudly booed appearance at a Giants game in 2008, when the team gave away truly hideous Crazy Crab bobbleheads. He is a hideous monster and his bobbleheads are garbage, and everyone hates him and wishes he were dead.

The Giants won 66 games in 1984, a dismal .407 win percentage; they won just 72 in 2008, good for a .444 win percentage; in 2017, the Giants have won 37 of 98 games, or 37.8 percent, the second-worst record in all of baseball. This is the worst Giants team in 22 years. Last night the Giants gave up 20 hits and 12 runs to the team with the worst run differential in baseball. They recently brought back Pablo Sandoval, at best for sentimental reasons, at worst because they wanted to force him to apologize for trashing the organization when he left for Boston in 2014. Hurl the Giants into a dumpster, for they are crud.

Here is where I am going with this: If they can bring back the Kung Fu Panda, they can damn sure bring back the Crazy Crab. Let that ugly sewer crab rile up the home crowd, and let them pelt him with nachos and hot dogs. He deserves it, the ugly mutant hell-crab. Bring back the Crazy Crab.