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The Football Player Flips A Log On The Bachelorette, And The Football Knower Gets Eliminated

Team, there are roster cuts every week, but this round was tough. Our numbers have been depleted during an away game in Park City, Utah. (Lucky for them, the state’s previously stringent liquor laws have abated in recent years; if they hadn’t, it’s hard to imagine our players would have performed at their best.) NFL player Clay departed last week, and this week, football analysis man Mike followed, quite without fanfare.

Only Colton, he of the charity work and the grinning, is still around. And after a lengthy period of time in which the former NFL taxi-squadder was looking highly desired by multiple women, most of what Colton got involved with Monday night was drama with a male model who had quite obviously been baiting everyone.



Colton was on the group date which involved ... lumberjacking? ... which is apparently a sport Becca loves. All the men were taught to lumberjack by a competitive lumberjacking couple. Adorable, in sports and love. Colton wasn’t happy about being around those fools; he said he was “tired of being in this situation with clowns.”

He couldn’t stay too mad for long. “Becca looks fantastic today,” he said of her look during the rose ceremony. “Red is definitely her color.” We saw him in a mesmerizing, sparkly suit and lavender shirt. Quite honestly, stunning. But Colton was upset that Jordan also received a rose (dark foreshadowing), contorting his handsome face as he squints at the camera.


Later on, Colton described his relationship with Becca as “easy and natural,” but he would be distracted from that. He and a forgettable greasy man went in on Jordan. “He’s just a disrespectful [expletive],” Colton says, but we don’t know for sure if he called him an “asshole.” What did you bleep out, ABC??

“I want the antics and the bullshit to stop,” Colton continued. “You’re painting a target on your back,” he told Jordan.


“At the end of the day, I want to see Becca with a good guy. And I’m a good guy.”

Checking In With Clay

NFL free agent Clay, who left last week to deal with an injured hand, told the Chicago Tribune that he “definitely could have been one of the final guys there.”

The free agent tight end said he immediately underwent surgery after leaving the show — five pins were put in his wrist to hold the ligaments together — but he’s optimistic about his future in the NFL. Harbor said he has a few workouts scheduled, but he declined to comment on which teams have shown interest.



When one of the men said that it had been a long week, Mike said, “Dude, it sucked.” That was the extent of his input. He looked stressed during the first rose ceremony and then, following almost no time on screen and no apparent time with Becca, he left.


Mike said a nice goodbye, and then peaced. No crying in the limo. Just a farewell.


Remember him well.


David, who fell out of the bunk bed onto his face last week, is not looking amazing, though honestly, he’s looking better than most people who fall on their face do, if a bit crooked on one side. Becca gives him a rose to make up for his face. Garrett, who goes on another athletic date meets 2006 Olympic bobsled silver medalists Valerie Fleming and Shauna Rohbock, who were partners in the sport and are now married and have kids! Adorable again, in sports and love. They all take a run down the course. “Sixty-five miles an hour, 3-4 G’s—I don’t even know what a G is, to be honest, but I think it sounds fast,” Becca said.

Wills, who has to deal with Becca being in a bad mood because Jean Blanc was a weirdo to her and was sent home for it, still manages to very kindly say, “You’re human. You’re going to be affected by things.” Last and very least, Lincoln, who last month was convicted of indecent assault and battery for groping a woman on a cruise ship in 2016, doesn’t believe the earth is round. Team, let’s hit the showers—I need to rinse off.

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