Chris Berman: While he was a coaching intern, Tomsula earned money on the side as a battery separator.

Trent Dilfer: Is that right Chris?

Chris Berman: Yep, Trent. He used to go through used batteries and pick out ones that had a bit of charge left in ā€˜em.

Trent Dilfer: At our broadcast meeting earlier this week, Tomsula actually told me that he was employed as a Tilt-A-Whirl operator during the spring of 1984.

Chris Berman: A what?

Trent Dilfer: You know Chris, one of those amusement park rides? Yeah, he was part of a traveling group of carnies that set up in towns across the upper midwest.

Trent Dilfer: This game may be sloppy, but weā€™re seeing some WOOD LAID EARLY ON! Which reminds me, Jim Tomsula used to lay wood on maple trees. You see, he once traveled to Canada to apprentice as a maple syrup tapper, but found the lifestyle was too ostentatious.

Chris Berman: You know, Trent, while Jim Tomsula worked as an assistant coach for the 49ers, he had a nighttime job as a junk mail reader. Youā€™d hire him for an hour, and heā€™d open up all your junk mail to make sure you werenā€™t missing anything good.

Trent Dilfer: Thatā€™s what you want from a coach, Chris. A willingness to do literally anything.

Trent Dilfer: Did you know that I live in Marin outside of the season, Chris?

Chris Berman: No I didnā€™t, Trent.

Trent Dilfer: Anyway, earlier this offseason I went the library to drop off a book on tape, and I ran into Jim Tomsula.

Chris Berman: Is that right?

Trent Dilfer: He was collecting nickels from the wishing well, a habit he picked up decades ago. It was a profound experience, Berm. He told me that the only way real men make their dreams happen is through hard work, not wishing.

Chris Berman: Wow!

Trent Dilfer: Yeah he found a Sacagawea dollar, which taught him the importance of persistence. He kept that coin as a reminder, and actually used it as a theme in tonightā€™s pregame speech.

Chris Berman: Imagine, Trent, three years ago, wealthy children hired Jim Tomsula as a living piƱata, and now here he is, coaching in the NFL.

[ESPN]


E-mail: kevin.draper@deadspin.com | PGP key + fingerprint | DM: @kevinmdraper

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