So a local television station in Cleveland decided to put together an "investigative report" on the dangers of allowing your children to go to the public library.
What did they do? They put a hidden camera in the computer room and waited for some poor sap to start "having sex with himself."
They found that man, and that man was an Ohio State fan. What happens next will change the way you see humanity. You're going to watch this and think it's some sort of sketch comedy troupe prank. It isn't.
So, you know, enjoy.
OSU Fans "Using The Library" [Every Day Should Be Saturday]
(BIG man hugs to Every Day Should Be Saturday for this. Earth cannot thank you enough.)
(SECOND UPDATE: Personally, we think Carl Monday is infinitely more terrifying than our phantom masturbator, but, nevertheless, we still present our OSU fan's MySpace page. Sorry.)
(THIRD UPDATE: They've taken down the video on YouTube — JERKS! — but you can find an expanded version (yes!) right here.)
(FOURTH UPDATE: We've got the video back up from YouTube now. Also, Carl Monday has a follow-up report. Get away from us, Carl Monday!)