The Pain Of Life As A Royals Fan

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We watched all three Cardinals-Royals games over the weekend, on the Royals television affiliate — which had a charming, low rent, public access, Wayne's World feel — and we can say with as much certainty as we can muster that the Royals are the worst team we've seen in a long, long time. It's not so much that they lack talent — though they do — but that they have a sort of Keystone Cops, everybody's gloves have Flubber in them type of feel. From afar, the Royals are kind of cute, in a hapless, way. We'll put it this way: We're glad we're not a Royals fan, because being a Royals fan, and watching them every day, might make us kind of hate the Royals.

Which is why we have all the respect in the world for Royals Review, for somehow posting on this team every day. We're not sure we could do it. Here's some lowlights of the weekend series.


• "Wow, this seems a little early this season. Game One of Royals-Cards tips tonight at the K. I can't wait to spend all weekend being taunted by the "Cardinal Nation" and jeered by the state media. Should be fun. ... Lets not embarass ourselves, at least. Thats a good goal."
• "I'm sure the Cardinals are at least half embarassed to have a rival such as the Royals, a team that can't even win a third of their games."
• "Hopefully continued abject failure will finally convince the Glass Leadership Trust (whom I trust about as much as Michael Caine in Blame it on Rio) that this organization is thoroughly rotten and needs to be revamped, reorganized and reinvigorated by the prospect of a new goal: actually winning."
• "There's nothing like Buddisimo's post-game wisdom, a subtle blend of buck-passing and defeatism, awe-shucks anti-intellectualism and down home stupidity, 'Quite frankly, they've got a much better team than we have," Royals manager Buddy Bell said.'"
• "Personally, I'm just happy that everyone in the lineup ended the day with a batting average over .200 (congrats to Paul Bako by the way)."

Honestly, all the respect in the world. We like the Royals. No one should have to go through that.


Royals Review [SB Nation]