"The Red Sword" Didn't Have The Same Kick

Since we're working under a closer-based economy, a lot of stuff is already in progress, so let's not dilly dally. Okay, a little bit of sloth is in order. After all, it is Sunday, and I'm by no means a slave driver. As everyone knows, the slaves drive me! Ah, plantation humor. Oh, crud, there go my chances for winning the 1868 election. Your recommended retro video game for today will be the Genesis's Sword of Vermillion, which for some reason always gets left out of discussions of great RPGs. It moves like Dragon Warrior and battles like Legend of Zelda. But it tastes terrible, so for God's sakes, please don't eat the cartridge.

• In Progress — American Le Mans, in Long Beach, California. No, you Le Mans. [ABC]

• In Progress — LPGA: Ginn Open, final round, Reunion, Florida. Those first few rounds just blew right by, didn't they? [CBS]

• In Progress — Champions Tour: Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am, final round. My money's on the old guy. [NBC]

• In Progress — Women's Tennis: Family Circle Tour, Charleston, South Carolina. If it's a family event, then why all the grunting?

• In Progress — NBA Playoffs: Raptors at Magic, Game 1. Magic brought the Raptors back to life in Jurassic Park. Just giving the headline writers an idea in case Orlando chokes. [TNT]

• 1:30 p.m. — MLB: Dodgers at Braves. It's one of those days where TBS looks at the general baseball schedule, sees the game they get, and jump in the air with glee. [TBS]

• 2:00 p.m. — NASCAR Nationwide Series: Corono Mexico 200, from Mexico City. The only difference between this race and races in the USA is that the horns play something completely different. [ESPN]

• 2:00 p.m. — Movie: Napoleon Dynamite. You just know, since it's TV, they're gonna bleep out all the "gosh" exclamations with "golly," making it unrealistic. [Comedy Central]

• 3:00 p.m. — NBA Playoffs: Nuggets at Lakers, Game 1. Remember that one time when Denver was the 8-seed and they won their first round series? Yeah? Think that can happen again? No? Me neither. [ABC]

• 3:00 p.m. — PGA: The Heritage, Hilton Head, South Carolina. I saw the video and, trust me, Hilton Head is nothing you want these days. [CBS]

• 3:00 p.m. — NHL Playoffs; Red Wings at Predators, Game 6. Detroit's playing well. Odd that the only thing the Predators can do now is ... pray. [NBC]