The Sunday Evening NFL Roundup: Orlovsky!!!

When Dan Orlovsky was a young lad, he dreamed about this day: Finally making his first NFL start, carrying a woeful team on his back to victory, following up the post-game celebration by calling his parents to let them know that, see, he did make the right decision by turning down a full-ride scholarship to (prestigious school) in order to follow his dream of being a quarterback, a leader of men. So you just knew that when he finally got the opportunity, he'd shit the bed. You just didn't know that it'd be a getting-a-safety-by-accidentally-running-out-of-the-back-of-your-own-end-zone level of bedshit. Final score: Vikings 12, Lions 10. • Being a Bears fan is not the greatest decision one can make in life, this season especially. Coming into today they were 3-2, both losses coming in games they should have won. But today they were just being dicks. First, ruining the hopes of their fans by failing to convert a 4th-and-goal at the 1, then getting their hopes back up by retaking the lead with a last-minute Neckbeard-led drive, and then making ChiCity open up his auxiliary alcohol fridge by giving up the game in the last second. Bunch of cock teases! • Jason Elam's Blowjob Recipient Index today was more volatile than Friday's Dow Jones. • The Curse of Georgia Frontiere is over! Sure, they did it while gaining only 200 yards, and trying as hard as they could to give it away at the end by yelling at an official and hilariously getting an unsportsmanlike penalty, but the gods wouldn't let the Rams die this day. Welcome back to the land of the living, St. Louis! • Adrian Peterson, who gained over 100 yards today for the 9th time in his career, is kind of boring. • God, the Bengals are awful. Their top rusher today was quarterback Ryan Fitzgerald, with 23 yards. Right now they couldn't win a knife fight with Trig Palin. • Quick thoughts for the early yawners: Peyton's training camp is finally over, let the fun begin; Jeff Garcia "earned" himself a start next week by having the foresight to tell his defense to intercept Jake Delhomme a lot; I could care less about Drew Brees' near-perfect quarterback rating, since it came against the Raiders and all. • The Broncos really are going to try this whole "Winning Without Having A Defensel" plan, aren't they? • Seattle's starting roster reads a lot like a 20-year-old franchise in Madden, when all of the current folks have retired and your team is completely composed of players the game just stone cold made up. • A wild one in Arizona - Cards currently up 21-14 - but the Cardinals deserve to lose it for following up a long, successful drive by trying for the trick onside kick and failing miserably. Stupids. [pic from Fan IQ] PHOTO: Lovingly ganked from the Mighty MJD's Shutdown Corner