The world’s largest-ever douchebag fight? MLB vs. Insurance companies

If there ever was a lawsuit where you wish both sides could lose and then be sucked into a portal shuttling them to a dimension of goo and detritus, it would be Major League Baseball’s lawsuit against the biggest insurance companies in the land.

That suit apparently was filed in California in October, but came to light last night. Part of the reason you’ve heard about so many supposedly big market teams trying to pull the Oliver Twist act (including the brief and quickly debunked whispers that the Philles would listen to offers for Zack Wheeler. But it was from Buster Olney, with “Olney” just being defined as “quickly dismissed”), is that MLB teams have not gotten their insurance to pay out on their policies for the revenues they missed out on during the 2020 season. Some minor league teams have sued their insurance providers as well.

While the insurance companies didn’t respond to various agencies’ requests for comments, it would appear that they don’t think MLB losing out on these things for the pandemic constitutes physical loss or property damage. The latter seems pretty cut and dried. The former is probably the one MLB is hoping to use to win this lawsuit.

There is some irony in watching billionaires get bilked by billion-dollar companies on some technicality or just general snake-i-ness, because MLB owners have been doing it for generations to cities for stadiums, or to players to avoid paying them what they’re worth, or to fans in any number of ways. The knife that cuts deepest is your own.

Still, it’s not like insurance companies are in any way sympathetic, and whatever excuse they’ve used to get out from serving their purpose is almost certainly going to smell funny. You would imagine they don’t want this to go to court. But then if it did get to court, MLB teams might have to at least reveal some of their books to prove what they’ve lost. There would be some very interested observers if that were to happen.

It could make for some excellent television, were it to happen. Which is almost precisely why it won’t.

If you watched any of the Premier League this weekend, you probably saw a ton of odes from announcers about a limited amount of fans being allowed back in stadiums. Fans even loudly swearing at refs and opponents was greeted as art, and in a way that’s understandable. It’s been nearly 10 months since we last saw it on our screens.

But the return of fans means that the return of their shithead tendencies also returns, which brings us to Milwall FC’s home, the Den. And that’s where the players kneeling before kickoff to support Black Lives Matter was greeted with boos. Millwall supporters have had a long and well-earned reputation of being some of the biggest asshats on Earth. It’s always 1985 for them.

In a desperate bid to prove that, the Twitter feed of the Millwall supporters club released a statement that is a Webster’s-worthy definition of whataboutism and non-apology for their fans’ disgusting actions.

Thankfully, it seems the actions of their fans have only emboldened the players, who have promised to keep taking a knee before matches, including their game on Tuesday night. The club itself has yet to say what exactly they’re going to do about it, though trying to ban as many fans as they can for life would be a nice start.

Or they’ll just strike up a sister-city-type agreement with Kansas City Chiefs fans.

To wrap up today, let it never be said that professional wrestling can’t encapsulate our current time and culture perfectly in just one image: