CHICAGO! Chi-Town! Chicagoland! The Windy City! The Second City! Mrs. O’Leary’s Fire Pit! Wrigleyville! Caponetown! Murder Capital Of The Conservative Imagination! The Big Witch’s Tit! Guess what, Chicago: We’re coming to YOU.

That’s right. On Monday, September 17th, the DEADCAST will be recorded LIVE from Thalia Hall, right in the heart of … well, right in the heart of somewhere fashionable, I assume! I’ll be there! Roth will be there! Greenwell will be there! BEARS of some sort will be there! But most important: BEER will be there. Just buy your tickets here and we’ll give you a free drink, plus a bigass screen to watch the game on after the show ends. Tell your friends. Bring your large adult children. Invite a SEXY date. Send us all your finest stupid questions and grievances regarding your local team. All are welcome except the mayor because he sucks ass. Get on it because our very special Bear Monday is just… HOLY BALLS… 13 days away!

So come see us, Chicago. I got some ketchup with this hot dog and I ain’t afraid to use it.

[Buy your damn tickets]