This Terrible Column Is Why People Hate The Cardinals

This sort of sepia-tinged glucose, from USA Today's Bob Nightengale, doesn't get written about any other team.

There's really not much to say about it. It speaks pretty obnoxiously for itself.

This isn't just about flying another pennant in their stadium - their fourth in 10 years - or having the opportunity to win their 12th World Series championship.

It's about the responsibility of upholding tradition.

It's for old-time baseball.

They want to show this generation, that yes, it's still hip to be square.

They'd like to know if everything, even the crowd noise, have to be fake in Southern California. Do fans really have to be instructed when to scream as if they're a game-show audience? Can't anything on the scoreboard be shown besides fans acting crazy, dance contests, and kiss cams?

Times are changing. Fans want to be entertained - or at least teams perceive as much. Ballparks have become entertainment venues on grass.

Yet here, where Clydesdales still trot the field, the Cardinals are trying to preserve tradition.

The Dodgers are a personal affront to the Cardinals' value system, and they're going to do everything in their power to assure that style isn't celebrated in the World Series.

Here is a secret: almost all fanbases are terrible, and any successful team will be hated. But fans of teams like the Lakers and Yankees don't take issue with that perception, and can almost be respected for embracing their awfulness. St. Louis fans can't possibly conceive of anything but universal adoration, and putrid columns like these fill their echo chambers. It's why they take it as a personal affront when anyone else dares not to love their Cardinals. Congrats: You're Duke basketball minus even a flicker of self-awareness.

[ USA Today]