I don't know a whole lot about soccer, but I'm trying to learn... and I'm dragging you along with me, kicking and screaming.
• Aston Villa 0-2 Manchester United. Man U looks to be actually trying again, putting together a couple of solid performances after their embarrassing performance in the Champions League. And hey, why are they the Red Devils if they're wearing blue? And why do they kiss after they score?
• Wigan Athletic 3-0 Charlton Athletic. 3-0 is a pretty solid ass-beating. Just think what the score would've been if Wigan was playing Charlton Unthletic. Henri Camara posts the hat-trick for Wigan.
• Manchester City 4-1 Birmingham City. Birmingham's in real danger of being relegated. See, over there, they take the worst teams at the end of the year, and make them go play in a lesser league. To draw a parallel to American sports, if the NFL had a similar rule, David Carr and Andre Johnson would be spending next season getting acquainted with the 50-Yard Indoor War.