Photo via me and the three copies of Brady’s books we received at our office

Tom Brady, the Gwyneth Paltrow of sports, has a book out now that features approximately four million words about water, and water consumption, and different types of water, and how water can protect you from the sun.

Brady says he drinks up to 300 ounces of water in a day, which is around 2.5 gallons of water. His piss must be as clear as the sparkling depths of Lake Tahoe, but really, a bunch of water consumption for an athlete isn’t all that weird.

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What is weird is that Brady 1) differentiates between a bunch of different types of water, 2) wants you to add his quack-ish TB12 electrolyte drops into your drinks, and 3) thinks he gets fewer sunburns because of all the water he drinks.

Here’s what Tommy says about water and sunburns, as noted by SB Nation’s Matt Ufford:

When I was growing up, and playing outside in the sun, I got sunburned a lot. I was a fair-skinned Irish boy, after all. These days, even if I get an adequate amount of sun, I won’t get a sunburn, which I credit to the amount of water I drink. I always hydrate afterward, too, to keep my skin from peeling. When I once told that to my sister, she said, “You mean I don’t have to use all those moisturizers and facial products to keep my skin looking good? I should just drink as much water as you do? I think you should market your [stupid water drop things] as a beauty product.” I just laughed.

Okay, maybe Brady uses SPF as well, but this quote (which is highlighted as a block-quote in the book) sure makes it seem like ol’ TB thinks all he needs for sun protection is water, water, and water. Please, please, do not follow this advice! Use sun protection of some sort. Especially if you spend as much time outside as a professional athlete does.

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Brady goes on to provide a detailed explanation of mineral water vs. spring water:

Aside from the quackery, Brady’s book contains some walk-throughs of stretches and exercises and a handful of recipes, some of which look fairly edible. I’d maybe keep it on my bookshelf if I ever felt like fitness was something I might care about, but more likely than not, most people will align themselves with Bill Belichick’s general philosophy:

Please, please, please use real sun protection. Thanks.