Vladimir Putin ‘scores’ eight goals in Russian hockey game

Vladimir Putin (r.), president of the Russian Federation and hockey GOAT (not really)
Vladimir Putin (r.), president of the Russian Federation and hockey GOAT (not really)
Screenshot: Russia

If you think you’ve seen horrendous defense before, you clearly haven’t watched a bunch of guys skate against an authoritarian strongman.

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No one, and I mean no one, wanted to guard Vladimir Putin last night, who scored eight goals in an “All-Star” hockey game.

The match in Sochi brought in Russian businessmen, former hockey players, and politicians — including the Russian President himself.

He probably didn’t need to play with pads. The players were smart enough to just leave him wide open in the crease.

Scoring eight goals in a “friendly” is nothing new for Putin. He did the exact same thing in 2019... But took a tumble during a postgame victory lap.

Some of the best athletes in the world describe what it’s like to play at peak performance with phrases like “the game just slows down.” Well, last night’s game literally slowed down for Putin, who scored goals unopposed.

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It only took 28 seconds for No. 11 to put the first goal of the game on the board. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see all eight in the highlight, but I expect they’re all similar to the first.

Imagine being that goalie and having to act surprised every time the puck hits the back of the net? He kept up a pretty good front, at least.

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The final score? 13-9. Take a wild guess as to which team won.