Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

We Have A Wet Bag Problem, And We're Going To Look Into It

Bag’s too damn wet!
Photo: Elsa (Getty Images)

There is nothing funny about lower-body injuries in baseball. Upper body injuries, sure—a “strained oblique” sounds just vague enough to get an eye-roll, and Mets-scented mystery injuries like the Out With An Entire Left Side Of Body ailment that sidelined prized Mets free agent Jed Lowrie for virtually the entire season are a delight forever. But a player hurting his ankle or his knee on a base just sucks—it looks and is painful, it sucks to watch and is no fun to consider, either. Even when it almost but somehow doesn’t happen, it’s a rough ride. It’s not the sort of thing you’d talk about in a podcast that’s mostly jokes—unless it gave you and your fellow-idiot co-host a chance to say the words “wet bags” back and forth to each other for 90 uninterrupted seconds. In that case, you do what you have to do:

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And yet ankle injuries and the broader Wet Bag Problem were only the beginning of what wound up being a wide-ranging survey of sports and non-sports things. The sports stuff touched upon Tom Brady’s crystal visions after being asked why his team signed and cut a renowned creep and the Mets’ ongoing campaign to find new ways to disappoint the people that care about them most. The non-sports stuff is so voluminous that it spilled wildly out of the funbag and got weird wet chunks on both Drew and I within moments of beginning the podcast. It wasn’t two minutes in before we were talking about how old Wayne and Garth were supposed to be in the Wayne’s World movie. Drew’s doing a Sprockets voice well before the first ad break. It’s like that.

But not only like that. There’s also a spirited discussion of the ways in which George Lucas is a preposterous cornball and also a lazy mastermind, and a discussion of Alice In Chains and Soundgarden that led to dueling shitty Chris Cornell voices, and probably some stuff that’s even worse. The purpose of these blogs is to make you want to listen to the podcast, and I feel like the longer this paragraph goes on the less well it’s working in that regard.

Next week will be different, because we’ll have the technical issues sorted out that led to me hearing my own voice on a short but maddening delay—I know it’s not a picnic for you, the listener, but I really did not care for hearing my own voice that way—and because there will be new dumb things to talk about. At the very least, it seems unlikely we’ll do the Chris Cornell thing two weeks in a row. You never know. I wouldn’t say it’s probable. I’m not ruling anything out, either.

You can also listen at iHeart Radio, Stitcher, Spotify, NPR One, Apple Podcasts, or GooglePlay. And don’t forget to email us tips and/or general complaints at deadcast@deadspin.com. Have fun out there.

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About the author

David Roth

David Roth is an editor at Deadspin.