After another week of football in the National Football League, we have had the pleasure of seeing some outstanding teams battle.
Unfortunately, we’ve also had the opportunity to see some bad teams at least attempt to play professional football. These are the squads that are competing in the Trevor Lawrence — or Ohio State’s Justin Fields — sweepstakes in hopes of climbing from the gutter.
Today, we unveil all those teams attempting to masquerade as professional football franchises in Deadspin’s Powerless Rankings for week 7.
Let’s get into it.
5. Vikings (1-5)
Yes, I know the Vikings had a bye this week but that doesn’t mean you are safe from the Powerless Rankings. The Vikings have still only won one game on the season despite having a talented core of running backs and wide receivers. They do have a UPS guy playing quarterback and a head coach that has the defensive scheme of a six-year-old Madden player, but that’s neither here nor there. The Vikings will have an opportunity to be at the top of the draft, but they’ll likely make the most Vikings’ decision ever and stick with Kirk Cousins behind center.
4. Giants (1-6)
Daniel Jones tripping and falling out of nowhere with no one in between him and the end zone is the perfect symbolism for the Giants season.
Even in a division as horrendous as the NFC East, the Giants still can’t find a way to win games because of their inept defense and untimely turnovers. The Giants will receive a top pick in this year’s draft (again) but will likely stick with Jones at quarterback while they try to tape over the other massive holes on their roster.
3. Falcons (1-6)
I’ll say it again for the people in the back. Whenever you lose to the Lions you automatically qualify for a top-three spot in the Powerless Rankings. The Cockatoos didn’t need any extra help though, they are spiraling down into the football abyss all by themselves. A team this talented should never be 1-6, but we are here because late-game management and situational awareness training at the facility seem to be as ineffective as Mike Pence’s COVID plan. Todd Gurley was the perpetrator this week as he scored a touchdown instead of running out the clock late in the game. Luckily for the Dodo Birds, they’ll be in the running for a top pick in the draft this year and can choose to jumpstart their franchise if they want to by selecting Fields or Lawrence and trading QB Matt Ryan.
2. Jaguars (1-6)
The Minshew experiment is all but over in Jacksonville. They’ll need to be in the running for one of these top quarterbacks in the upcoming draft. While Minshew has an expiring clock on his time as a starter, he is not the only one to pay for that organization’s dysfunction. The defense can’t stop a shuffleboard game at a retirement home. Sunday’s game against the Chargers marked the sixth straight week that the Jaguars defense gave up at least 30 points. This team’s talent level is equivalent to my niece’s fifth-grade talent show. The Jaguars need a complete overhaul of talent and it’s going to have to start in the draft next April.
1. Jets (0-7)
Listen, it’s just gotten the point where I don’t even see how this organization can win a single game this season without slipping the refs $500K under the table. Sam Darnold, the Jets’ No. 3 pick in 2018, had a QBR of 17.6, threw 2 picks, and only completed 12 passes yesterday. Head coach Adam Gase who was supposed to be a ”brilliant offensive mind” continues to torture Jets fans by putting Darnold in situations that make him look like he’s the quarterback of the East High Wildcats. If the Jets continue on this trend, Darnold will be playing his last days in Jets green, so it’s not all bad for him. And if the Jets get the top pick, you think they’ll let Gase get his hands on Lawrence? Not likely.
The defense actually played well yesterday limiting Josh Allen and the Bills to only 18 points but when you have a head man as inept as Gase it takes an act of God to get victories.