Well, the night you've all been waiting for is here. The return of two of our very favorite subjects is tonight: Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens. Bonds is slated to bat fourth tonight against the Padres, and people are wondering whether or not they're gonna start walking him again. Meanwhile, T.O. is on the prime-time "Monday Night Football" stage, which means he's almost certain to score a touchdown and do something pathetically showboating and self-indulgent. Fortunately, he will do it in the name of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. (Is there a potential end zone dance interpretation of Katrina charity? You know, T.O.'s arms-flapping dance, maybe he'll say it's in honor of the victims "trying to keep their heads above water" or something. He could call it "the Doggypaddle" or something. Never know with that guy.)
Anyway, it's pretty amazing that Bonds and T.O. have perhaps been the two most prominent sports figures of 2005, considering tonight will be the first time either of them have stepped on a playing field since February. Imagine how much we'd all be talking about them if they had, you know, done anything.