Photo: Kevork Djansezian (Getty)

The Rams and the Chiefs played the highest-scoring contest in the history of Monday Night Football tonight, a 54–51 barnburner in which every play seemed to go for 18 yards, and every third play seemed to produce a touchdown. It was maybe the most exciting football game I’ve ever watched. Did you miss it to watch Nuggets-Bucks? Fuck you!

The teams combined for just seven total punts against three defensive touchdowns, and they scored more combined touchdowns (14) than the Buffalo Bills have scored all season (13). Patrick Mahomes threw for 478 yards and six touchdowns, and completed 33 of 46 pass attempts, and lost. That doesn’t happen very often:

Advertisement

On the one hand, it’s fair to say the Chiefs were hurt by Mahomes turning the ball over five times on three picks and two lost fumbles. On the other hand, they scored 51 points and would’ve gone for friggin’ 80 without those turnovers, so maybe back the hell off! The Rams offense was itself a damn buzzsaw—Jared Goff threw for 418 yards and four touchdowns, with no picks—and anyway let us take a moment to appreciate the heroics of young Rams defensive lineman Samson Ebukam, who scored as many touchdowns in this game as the Bills did in the entire month of October:

Advertisement

This NFL season is very, very unlikely to produce a better, more thrilling football game than this one. It featured two one-loss teams, and produced six lead changes and two ties, and 891 passing yards, and five touchdown plays of at least 20 yards. It was also uh bad, according to at least one dipshit professional wet-blanket:

Shut up, Trent, you big idiot!