The Applebeat was born when two writers without smartphones needed to know the score of an NBA playoff game. "Every town has an Applebee's," we thought. We tracked down an Oklahoma City Applebee's number with the assistance of an underworked 411 operator, and then, thanks to the establishment's friendly bartender, we got the score. After that first call, the sociological and comedic possibilities were immediately made apparent. Our cultural cravings kicked in. We made plans for March Madness.
For the tournament, we're calling Applebee's franchises in different cities across the country immediately after the local institution has completed its game, win or lose. We'll pretend to be oblivious about what just happened in order to get a detailed game description from someone in the restaurant. At the end of every call, we'll also ask for "those boneless chickens." We'll be met with friendliness (everywhere) and confusion (Brighton, Mass., it turns out, is not terribly interested in the Harvard outcome). We promise it will be a delightful practice in modern American communication and neighborliness. Enjoy.
"It was garbage... Unfortunately, it's Mark Few in the tournament. And he's never proven himself, so."
"Is that tomorrow? Oh! I don't know if it was on. To be honest with you."
"They got killed... I don't know why I picked them, why I go with them every year, I'll never know."
"My minister's gonna slap the hell out of me."
"You know the deal. They get a big head, and they start goin' down."
"My coworker said the Aggies are losin' tremendously bad."
"They were gonna win but, fuckin', tall-ass motherfucker scored like six points in, like, two seconds. I was like, what?!?"
"I know Akron was getting blown out!"
"It was, like, really crazy in here."
"Dude, it was embarrassing. I don't even know what happened."
Note: We called a local Applebee's for every team, but we've selected the most entertaining reports here. More to come.