What Is That Thing On Stan Kroenke's Head?

Rams owner Stan Kroenke has been in the news lately for his part in a disgraceful shitbag scheme that involves him moving his team from St. Louis to Los Angeles. This makes it a good time to ask a question we’ve long been meaning to ask: What the fuck is that on his head?

There’s nothing wrong with letting your freak flag fly. If Ol’ Stan is happy, we’re happy for him. We’re still wondering what that thing is.

In addition to owning the Rams, Kroenke owns the Denver Nuggets, the Colorado Avalanche, and the Colorado Rapids. He’s the majority owner of Arsenal. He has more money than God, is the point here, and he puts this thing on his head.

Look at Jeff Fisher trying not to look at it. Maybe wearing it is a power thing? There are stories about how Lyndon Johnson would make his aides take meetings with him while he was on the john. Maybe daring people to look at it is Kroenke’s way of reminding them how powerful he is.

Even so, you’d expect someone in his life would tell him that he looks like the lead suspect in a great many cases that involve children’s faces and milk cartons.

Was it ever alive? Is it alive? Is it a wombat?

Check out Roger Goodell sneaking a peek at it. He doesn’t know what to say about it.

This guy is definitely trying not to look at it.

It has basically remained the same over the years, with subtle changes of color, volume, and styling. Whatever it is, it appears to make him happy. That’s great, but it’s still not clear what it is, and the uncertainty is bothering us, even if nothing about it appears to bother him.

Do you know what the thing on Stan Kroenke’s head is? Let us know at [email protected]. Top five photos via Getty; bottom five via AP.