Photo: Ethan Miller (Getty Images)

The Lakers are going to be much, much better and more fun than they were last season, but they’re not going to beat the Warriors. This hasn’t stopped team representatives from getting a little chesty, first by suggesting that their new-look roster of weirdos surrounding LeBron is actually an uncanny replica of Jordan’s Bulls or Kobe’s Lakers, and now by implying that L.A. will be able to unleash it’s own version of the Warriors’ famous Death Lineup. From Bleacher Report:

“We may not see this on day one, but the coaching staff is eager to see our version of the [Warriors’] Death Lineup with Lonzo [Ball], Josh Hart, Brandon Ingram, [Kyle] Kuzma and LeBron,” a Lakers executive said.

That is a very good potential starting five, but it’s not going to murder the top teams in the West. Without at least three of Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Kevin Durant, or Draymond Green, you have no business referring to the four young dudes lucky enough to play with the GOAT as a “Death Lineup.” With that in mind, the Deadspin staff came up with some more accurate ways to describe what the Lakers currently have:

  • Mild Infection Lineup
  • Feeling A Little Under The Weather Lineup
  • Seasonal Allergies Lineup
  • Medically Induced Coma Lineup
  • Annoying Cold That Somehow Turns Into The Flu Lineup
  • Social Anxiety Disorder Lineup
  • Smashed Dick And Balls Lineup
  • Annual Battle With Strep Throat That Wipes Out A Whole Weekend Lineup
  • I Threw Out My Back And Now I’m Icing It Lineup
  • Broken Hand From Punching A Wall Lineup
  • UTI Lineup
  • Help, I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up Lineup
  • Working From Home Lineup
  • Debilitating Blister Lineup
  • Paternity Leave Lineup
  • Whatever Kawhi Leonard Was Dealing With Lineup
  • WebMD Says It’s Cancer But It’s Probably Just A Sore Throat Lineup

Please share your ideas in the comments.

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