Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

As my local Starbucks continues to flow with disgusting burnt coffee, the computer world is full of greedy racists. Not much going on this weekend, so, I was just sitting in my local Starbucks looking around when it struck me: what is the deal with all these white computers? And why do I have to pay for wifi? I already have the computer. If the money were right, we'd be charged for using both hands to type. But that's the state of the computer world these days. Filled with predators looking to turn a buck anyway they can.

Take Apple, for instance. Ever notice all those white computers? Quite the coincidence, don't you think? Steve Jobs appealing to all those white people with his white computers. Dell and Sony and Acer have their menacingly black laptops while Apple has the decency to admit its game: white is soothing and gentle and never gets a stupid virus with all the dumb spyware that makes it go so slow.

And Apple even has the stamp of approval from all those yuppies it's after. After all, what makes bearded, bespectacled hipsters so appealing to the computer companies? But there's a seedy underbelly here. That's right, the Ku Klux Klan. White computers? White robes? It all fits. That's where he got the idea. What's more, Apple knows it can charge an arm and a leg because the KKK keeps up its demand. They go around destroying the Sony and Dell and Acer laptops thereby creating a virtual monopoly, while also reinforcing the soothing and gentle reputation of the Apple brand.

For years twenty-somethings have gone into hock for these computers, forced to move back in with mom and dad after credit card bills become too unwieldy. They've been brainwashed by Justin Long to think they need those expensive computers. And Apple keeps churning out the products, with inflated prices because they know the next sucker is right around the corner.

I don't mean to get all "back in my day," but back in my day we didn't even have computers! Now, they're ruining lives everywhere.


Back then we had jobs, not Jobs. It's a disturbing societal trend, is what it is.

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