Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Who Are The Computers Voting For? We Ask Siri And Others For Advice

I'm about to go vote, and I haven't read up much on the issues. I don't know which candidate loves America more or who has the bigger penis. So I asked the only objective sources I could find: computers. In case you're still on the fence, I've copied their advice below.

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Siri: "The best people for the job."

Smarterchild:: "My brain is retired but watch some cool videos! Send am IM to GossipinGabby and Type VIDEO!"

Cleverbot: "I think you should vote for Obama." When I asked again, "Pizza."

A.L.I.C.E.:

ALICE: I always prefer the most qualified person. Who would that be?
me: I don't know, that's why I'm asking you
ALICE: OK you can ask me.
me: Who is the most qualified person?
ALICE: Dr. Wallace is the most famous person I know.

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Vince:

Vince: Sort of a weird way to start a conversation...but OK
Me: Sorry, I just need some advice.
Vince: Even stranger. How about just saying ...hello
Me: OK. Hello.
Vince: I dont understand how that relates to the conversation.
Me: Fuck you in the face.
Vince: I dont understand how that relates to the conversation.

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Jabberwacky: "I don't know."

Eliza:

Eliza: Why do you ask?
me: Because I'm about to go vote, and I don't know who to vote for.
Eliza: Don't you really know who to vote for?
me: No, I was hoping you did.
Eliza: Oh... did?
me: Obama or Romney?
Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
me: Should I vote for Obama or Romney?
Eliza: Say, do you have any psychological problems?

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Elbot: "You can be or do anything you want, just as long as you don't divide by zero."

That settles it. Off to the polls. Predator Drones 2012!

Related: The iPhone's Siri Answered Bob Costas's Questions Better Than Accused Child Rapist Jerry Sandusky Did

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