Screenshot: The View

Lawyers for Stormy Daniels released a sketched drawing of a man that Daniels says threatened her in a parking lot in 2011 after her alleged affair with Donald Trump. The goon is described as being a handsome fellow between 5-foot-9 and 6-foot, with a “lean but fit” profile.

Does he remind you of anyone?

Photo: David Maxwell (Getty)

Hmmmm.

Here’s Tom Brady’s hair in 2011:

Photo: Stephen Savoia (AP)

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However, Brady is 6-foot-4, so it’s not him. Definitely not him!

Maybe Willem Dafoe time traveled forward from 1975? If you would like a $100,000 reward, please send your theories to idthethug@gmail.com, which is somehow a real email address that Daniels’s lawyers set up for the search. But good luck finding an answer better than this one: