So this had no purpose but to get attention, and now it has: a remarkably racist column about biracial 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick written by AOLSportingNewsFanhouseBleacherMuckrackGrid writer David Whitley. Kaepernick's parents have already seen it and openly lambasted it. And KSK's Mike Tunison pointed out that AOL added a "David Whitley's opinion is not reflective of the opinion of AOL, Inc." slug at the bottom of the piece well after it first posted.
So what did Whitley, who appears to be a real working columnist and not an elaborate Tim & Eric prank, write that got everyone so pissed off? He actually defended Lane Kiffin. No wait. That was a different shitty Whitley column. This one is about how Kaepernick's tattoos make him look like a criminal.
San Francisco's Colin Kaepernick is going to be a big-time NFL quarterback. That must make the guys in San Quentin happy.
Those are the first two sentences, so you already know that Whitley isn't even bothering to try to be subtle about the racism here. No no, this is full-on RAYCESS: "Did you ever have something happen that was so racist that you didn't even get mad?"
That's the kind of racism we're talking about here. It's like Cowherd's John Wall rant, but without all the complexity and nuance that Colin Cowherd always brings to the table. Welcome to the NFL, Mr. THUGGY THUG-SKINNED THUG. Who IS Colin Kaepernick's daddy?
Approximately 98.7 percent of the inmates at California's state prison have tattoos. I don't know that as fact, but I've watched enough "Lockup" to know it's close to accurate...
NFL quarterback is the ultimate position of influence and responsibility. He is the CEO of a high-profile organization, and you don't want your CEO to look like he just got paroled.
We're firmly in Troll Country now. And that's the nicest way to read it. If this column isn't a deliberate put-on for the sake of cheap provocation, then it means that Whitley actually BELIEVES this shit, and assumes that you believe it as well.
A little reading through Whitley's work suggests that his idiocy is probably the real deal. Previous highlights include ranting about gay men in Kiss Cam and column-stalking Erin Andrews.
FanHouse refugee and TexansChick blogger Stephanie Stradley sent us some extra background on him:
Heard he liked writing about Erin Andrews because none of his other "columns" received real pagehits. Whitley's pagehits for non-asslike, non-EA stuff was horrible. As someone who knew emailed me:
"i actually checked one of whitley's columns from last week—it was particularly idiotic. it got 140 pageviews on the first two days (which is AWFUL). i checked two days later and not one person had clicked on it, still stuck at 140 pvs. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE."
AOL I don't think edits him any more. Think they have some sort of license deal to give the name of "FanHouse" to The Sporting News. Not sure what the point of that was. They killed the website, and let go most of the writers who actually got traffic, though I heard of at least one who was offered to stay but chose not to.
Whitley came to his own defense this morning, claiming to be utterly unaware of the racial implications of a column about how Sammy Baugh never had tattoos like these convict Michael Vick types do. He noted that he has two adopted African-American daughters of his own. Why, some of his best children are black!
No, the only prejudice he harbors is about what's on the skin, which is in no way connected to any other aspect of the skin's appearance at all. Back to Whitley's original column:
Forgive me, but I suffer from tattoo-ism. I sport no ink, and I don't want any. [...] I can't shake the notion that a person's body is a temple, and you don't cover temples in graffiti.
Whitley is not the first sportswriter to complain about players being covered in tattoos. This is the kind of shit that Whitlock has been pulling for years. Shit like this is always written with the farcical idea that your local hometown columnist isn't afraid to tell it like it is. ADMIT IT: YOU THOUGHT KAEPERNICK LOOKED LIKE AN ARSONIST WHEN YOU FIRST SAW HIM TOO. That's what Whitley and Whitlock have in common: They're both horrible people who want to think that you secretly share their own horrible viewpoints. You can't handle their truth! (Because it's not true.)
Pro QBs were the last line of defense against the raging sea of ink.
So true. I was always like, "God, there are so many megabucks GLORYBOY tattoos out there. Only the calm and poise of Tom Brady will save me from all the gangstery gangster players out there who want to club my wife on the head and drag her into their sea caves."
When our kids said they wanted a tattoo, we could always point to the Manning brothers.
"Don't you want to look like that, Billy? Just stare ahead with your mouth open and you'll get the hang of it. Now THAT is a CEO look."
My guess is Archie would have made Peyton throw an extra 1,000 passes before dinner if he'd come home with a tattoo. The old man knew QBs are different.
And thousand more practice passes for Peyton if he comes home transformed into a black person!
I swear this post is missing something. It's touching on all the right wingnut ideas: tattoos, scary black folks, etc. But there's still one element missing in the racist bouillabaisse. It's killing me to not think of it right now ...
The world will end when Tim Tebow shows up a tattoo parlor.
THAT WAS IT.
It's not just a white thing, I hope.
Well now you're just a fucking liar.
When the Panthers interviewed Cam Newton, owner Jerry Richardson popped the question.
"Will you marry me?"
"Do you have any tattoos?" he asked.
"No, sir," Newton said. "I don't have any."
"We want to keep it that way," Richardson said.
Just your annual reminder that Jerry Richardson is the worst. You don't see him rocking any tattoos, except for that illustration of Roger Goodell doing pushups inked across his ass.
I realize not all NFL quarterbacks are pristine. Ben Roethlisberger has a "COURAGE" tattoo on the right side of his upper body.
But that tattoo isn't openly visible, so you can't see it when he's nailing a drunk girl in the shitter. He keeps it classy like that.
Then there are Michael Vick and Terrelle Pryor. Neither exactly fit the CEO image, unless your CEO has done a stretch in Leavenworth or has gotten Ohio State on probation over free tattoos.
Ugh. Obviously, this is the sort of column you should ignore. It's designed specifically to bring in hateful reactions and we're not supposed to give Whitley the satisfaction. But I'm a sucker for low-hanging fruit. Also, this will all probably backfire on Whitley and he'll be fired by day's end for being such a fucking idiot.
That's what makes Kaepernick a threat to the stereotype. By all accounts, he's polite, hard working, humble and has never been to prison.
THAT WE KNOW OF. Who knows? Maybe he slaughtered a family of day laborers for crack money.
His ink-covered arms will one day raise the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Imagine the impact that could have.
ZOMG! Imagine a person with tattoos winning something other than an episode of Chopped! SHUDDER.
For one thing, Jerry Richardson would clutch his chest in horror.
Other things that makes Jerry Richardson clutch his chest in horror:
• Interracial couples holding hands
• Paying workers a fair wage
• The combined salaries of the Panther running backs
At the next Pro Bowl, you might spot Peyton by the pool with a Papa John's logo on his ankle.
Sigh again.
Remember: FanHouse is the place that hired Jay Mariotti to shit all over the place for a bit before cutting him loose. Whitley is what's left. So you're not even getting Mariotti-quality idiocy here. You're getting the shithead B-team. This should not be tolerated. Sporting News columnist is the ultimate position of influence and responsibility. He is the columnist for a high-profile organization, and you don't want your columnist to write like his last job was with a Klan newsletter. SIGH AGAIN. AUDIBLE WEEPING FOR THE CHILDREN.