Mock drafts are a charade within a charade. Fantasy football is fake; mock drafts are fake drafts to prepare for the “real” fake draft, for a fake team. The only purpose of mock drafts is to get a general sense where players are going in each round, and that’s only useful for the first five rounds. The whole sham is otherwise inconsequential. Anyway, I like to screw everything up by taking the worst players first overall, because some people take the whole process far too seriously. Here’s what I’ve learned.


It doesn’t hurt to be honest about your intentions. As you can see here, Luis and I got along swimmingly.

On the other hand, it’s possible to be too honest.

Sometimes, feigning ignorance is the right route to take.

And of course, there’s no such thing as a stupid question.

You don’t always need a preamble. As the old saying goes, “Just come right out and draft Jimmy Clausen.”

The first overall pick is a coveted position. People will try to throw you off your game by asking tricky questions. Don’t get distracted.

In mock draft ruining parlance, this is what’s known as the ol’ switcheroo.

One of the downsides to this practice is that a lot of people don’t stick around to see the punchline.

You’ll have to get used to frequent threats of physical violence.

Something to possible keep an eye on: Big run on receivers near the end of the first round.

The most important tip of all: Always know when to make a graceful exit.

Top photo: AP

Stefan Heck is a “comedy” “writer” from Vancouver. You can follow him on Twitter. He also has a website and a podcast.