Deadspin
The mind boggles when one considers the responsibilities of an ESPN intern. (We suspect it's a little more relaxed now that Salisbury's gone.) Fetching coffee is the least of it; we imagine someone having to rub Berman's feet. But what are the qualifications required to become an ESPN intern? What must you know? At last, we have the answer.
We are proud to bring you the official application test to become an ESPN intern. It's in six sections, right here:
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According to someone who received it, ESPN Human Relations gives you only one hour to complete the test, to the point that the HR person will require you to send it back to them within an hour of you receiving it.
We're not sure how we'd do on this — are college students really expected to know when the last season of the ABA was? — but we encourage you all to test yourselves. You, too, could have the opportunity to tousle John Clayton's hair.
ESPN Intern Test
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(UPDATE: We've received conflicting information that this test might not be inherently for interns, but mainly for "temporary production assistants." That is, the people who cut highlights. Either way. fun. And HARD.)
(SECOND UPDATE: OK, now general consensus is that it's a "researcher application." That makes sense.)
Comments
Ahh interships...the last form of legalized slavery.
job requirement: massage Berman's foot boils everyday at 2:15.
I was informed there'd be no math.
I'd like to be the intern that gets to hold the bowl of Blue Cheese that warms Chris Berman's feet.
Section 4 is obviously not something an intern would do.
That would mean ESPN covers the NHL.
I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!
[Threadjack] Brett Favre is crying on television right now. [/Threadjack]
I'm willing to be Erin Andrews' intern and tend to her personal needs.
Marlon Brown (Ramsey College alum) would not do well on that test.
Does being an intern involve smuggling some deux deux duex's over for Berman?
Is bathing John Kruk with a rag on a stick still a requirement to be an intern on BTN?
Intern with the highest score gets a shot at the Schwab.
Why do they need interns? Is John Clayton slacking off again?
@TebowWearsJorts: No, but it does involve security to keep me out of Tony Romo's awesome party in the break room. Sigh.
-S. Van Pelt
@Civil Negligence:
He's just spending some time with his other job.....Cryptkeeper.
Final question before they actually accept you:
"Does the term "You're with me intern" scare you?
Yes or No
I think they're going to have to rub something other than Berman's feet
I got my ESPN intership 7 years ago by verifying the ability to transport 3 bottles of Les Deux in my ass. Times change.
If Vince Young can get a 6, and still get picked #1, I think I have a pretty good shot!
On Page 5, where did Joe Paterno go to college? The man's old as time itself.
Hey Joe, Jesus called and wants his sandals back
What are some of the questions? I cant see the pages due to work filters.
@Afino: I always thought if that man was to have an outside job it would be moderator of Lambda Lambda Lambda.
Does the test involve drawing a picture of a "Parrot Pirate"?
I'd love to see the hosts try and answer these.
@TebowWearsJorts: Crap, nice one.
I go the internship position based on my full name alone: Dick Boyah VanLeather.
@MattMillenFanClub:
JoePa studied with Aristotle.
Can't I just sleep with someone?
Getting closer to "Guest Lecture Series" time. I'm excited to bring the funny to a screeching halt.
Favre better end this press conference by saying, "I'm in town to play the Dolphins, dumbass."
@Chief Wahoo:
Worked for Linda Cohn.
Some of the job requirements:
*Retrieve Stu Scott's glass eye when it pops out
*Accompany Pam Ward on her dildo shopping tours
*Will be referred to as "fuckhead" by Berman
*help bury the remains of Craig Kilborn's career
@MattMillenFanClub:
Him and Aristotle used to room together and oftentimes skipped out of Plato's evening lectures.
@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos: No, but it does ask you to draw the Pirate Parrot and the Phillie Phanatic.
@MattMillenFanClub:
I'd love to talk to Joe one on one. My guess is he would tell me stories much like Abraham Simpson.
If you're selected, you get to go to the Intern Camp in Auschwitz, Connecticut.
"Frank TV" > Guest Lecture Series.
Suck on that, Big Daddy Drew
@UkraineNotWeak: don't confuse me with facts. and you didn't answer the question.
Love the last question on Page Six. "Which person has done more damage to their sport: Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, or Tim Donaghy? Justify your answer.
If you answer Donaghy, you're automatically disqualified, I bet.
How many questions pertain to Duke/UNC and Yanks/Red Sox since most of an intern's work time will be devoted to those two matchups?
@MattMillenFanClub:
Athens U
Gottlieb's intern keeps losing his wallet.
That seems...pretty intense for an intern position. And there's no way all the numbnuts that work at ESPN can answer all those questions.
Question:
If John Doe (11 IP, 15 ER) is on a Train 1 going 57 mph East on a flat plane and Mike Smith (74 1/3 IP, 100 ER) is on Train 2 going (wind assisted) 32 mph West from 45 miles away…which NHL hockey team will win the Davis Cup this year and why.
Please show your calculations and underline the answer.
Oh, I forgot:
*find new kindergarten kids to write for Emmitt Smith
*purchase cocaine for Brian Kenny and Jay Harris to snort during commercial breaks of 6pm Sportscenter
Page 4...spelling bee???
I don't think Coach K even knows how to spell his last name correctly.
this app still has nothing on the American Gladiators Application.
Evidently ESPN still uses typewriters and refers to the "Mighty Ducks"... they get an F on this test.
Tyler Hinman thinks the ESPN intern has no life.
@The Diesel:
+1
Requirements:
-Piss ON Stink Schelreths' pants (he's too famous to do it himself anymore).
-Clean Beano Cook's tighty-whiteys.
-Wave a large tropical leaf in front of Mike Golic as he is doing the radio show.
Page 2...I think Iracane wrote question #4.
Manute Say:
Manute hear as part of hazing ritual, new interns must lick clean the Budweiser Hot Seat. It's true.
@MiyamotosChin: His tears probably cure cancer.
Manute say: Interns must have ability to pretend to enjoy anything said by Chris Berman
I'll be damned if The Bong in Binghamton won't let me have a tape of Cornell winning the IVY if I become an intern at ESPN.
Extra Credit: Have you ever been to Boston Market?
@Lady Andrea: it only confirms my suspicions that the Four-Letter has interns do all the actual work so when given staff jobs, earning any money for it seems like a benefit.
Interns are expected to rock Skip Bayless to sleep as he sobs uncontrollably.