Half-Marathon Finisher Gets Caught Cheating, Is A Dog

Here's Dozer the Goldendoodle crossing the finish line of the Maryland Half Marathon last week. Already he's become something of a local legend, with media interviewing his owner and volunteers pledging thousands of dollars in donations on his official runner page. But something's not right. Look at that video again. Dozer barely appears tired, trotting along with a big smile on his face. Is that the face of someone that just ran 13.1 miles?

Sadly no. As we build our heroes up just to tear them down, so must we rain on Dozer's parade. According to his owner, Dozer escaped from his front yard as the half-marathon passed by his house, near the 5 mile marker. Yes, Dozer, beloved by children and sportsmen alike, didn't even complete a third-marathon.

And yet this canine Rosie Ruiz is still being held up as a feel-good story, something for the nation to rally around in the midst of a recession and two wars. It's our own fault, I suppose. In these trying times, we all wanted something pure to believe in, something true and real and good. We thought we had it in a 3-year-old Goldendoodle's fight against all odds to complete an unknown little fun run, and despite all the evidence against him, we still want to believe.

But we can't keep up this charade any longer. Dozer must be stripped of his medal immediately, and an investigation must be launched into his rumored use of Purina Pro Plan, identified by WADA as a banned substance. We fell for this before, with Lance Armstrong; we're not going to have our hearts broken again, by a duplicitous puppy hungry for glory at any cost.