Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here.
Adrian Peterson pleaded no contest this week to reckless assault (is there any other kind of assault?) and won't be going to jail for beating the piss out of his four-year-old son with a switch. Peterson has missed eight games with pay for that incident, and now Roger Goodell, who has taken it upon himself to be the ultimate arbiter of such things, has to decide if he needs to send out a STRONG MESSAGE, as he likes to do when players do shitty things. He can reinstate Peterson next week and take no extra action. (The NFL has already ruled out immediate reinstatement, although no one really knows what "immediate" means there.) He can give him a retroactive suspension without pay and take away a few of Peterson's game checks. Or he can give Peterson an "official" suspension that's really an extra suspension because his current eight-game suspension isn't technically a suspension or something.