Sports Illustrated has a fun piece about the various systems of informal fines NHL teams have, where players are forced to pay up for doing things like falling down during warmups, eating in the hot tub, or throwing utensils during dinner. It’s something to pass the time during the long NHL season, and a good excuse to bust the balls of your teammate.

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But one of the anecdotes caught my eye:

Then there is the amendment concerning the performance of certain ... duties.

“If you don’t flush when you’re at the s——er and you leave something in there, that’s a $500 fine,” the player, a veteran forward of over 700 NHL games, says. “And guys take it seriously. We only have three s——ers at home and on the road, maybe only two in the locker room, so you make sure it’s always nice and clean in there.”

Given that the unnamed player used the word “shitter” twice, that SI made a “duties” pun, and that it seems absurd to fine people $500 for letting some yellow mellow, we can only assume that enough players were leaving dumps in the toilet on this NHL team that it became a problem. What kind of savage doesn’t flush after they take a shit, and needs to be incentivized to do so by avoiding a fine?

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Since this apparently isn’t common knowledge, here’s a bathroom guide for all the NHL players out there:

  1. Drop a deuce
  2. Flush the toilet
  3. Wash your hands

It’s pretty simple stuff.

[Sports Illustrated]

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