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Diego Maradona Can't Decide Whether To Defend Or Bash Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi failed to drag Argentina to the title in yet another major international tournament, giving his countrymen another shot to break out the bats and partake in what is now looking like the real Argentine national pastime: beating up on Messi’s reputation. As has been typical of the man’s hot-and-cold… »7/14/15 1:35pm7/14/15 1:35pm

Chilean Satire Mag Makes A Funny About Messi Getting Finger Up His Butt

“Get ready, Messi,” Chilean magazine The Clinical writes, riffing on Chile defender Gonzalo Jara’s recent finger-in-the-butthole move, as well as Lionel Messi’s oft-mentioned otherworldly abilities ahead of Saturday’s Chile-Argentina Copa América final. Pretty clever, you guys! »7/02/15 4:32pm7/02/15 4:32pm

Lionel Messi Turns Two Defenders Into Larry And Moe

Look at the image above. It appears to show two well-positioned Paraguayan defenders on the cusp of shepherding the ball away from Lionel Messi. Now, watch the video below, where Messi skips past one, nutmegs the other, and generally jukes them so hard that they crash into each other, left helpless on the grass as… »7/01/15 2:29pm7/01/15 2:29pm

Soccer Player Shoved Into Concrete Wall, Suffers Serious Head Injury

According to reports, Emanuel Ortega of Argentine club San Martín is currently hospitalized with a severe head injury stemming from the mid-match event you see above. While he and a Juventud Unida player chased after a ball heading out of bounds, the Juventud player gave him a push, causing him to lose his balance and… »5/05/15 1:43pm5/05/15 1:43pm

Argentine Goalkeeper Commits Two Clown Show Errors 

I know next to nothing about San Martín de Tucumán goalkeeper José Martínez Gullotta, but I feel confident saying this was the worst performance of his career. Playing his debut match for San Martín against Argentinos in the Copa Argentina round of 32, Gullotta turned his back to the field for God knows what reason,… »4/23/15 11:34pm4/23/15 11:34pm

El Salvador Team, Fans Baffled By Wrong Anthem At FedEx Field

Phenomenal job by the organizers of the today's Argentina-El Salvador friendly, which was played at FedEx Field outside of Washington, D.C. That song you're listening to isn't the Salvadoran national anthem, but probably the Manx (that'd be the Isle of Man) national anthem. Considering that over 100,000 Salvadoran… »3/28/15 7:10pm3/28/15 7:10pm

This Story Proves That Argentine Striker Diego Milito Is The Best

Diego Milito, the former Inter star striker who now plays for his boyhood team Racing Club back in Argentina, is the coolest. All it took was the following story, about "The Prince," one fan, rosary beads, and two shocking championships spaced 13 years apart, to convince us that it's true. »12/16/14 9:44am12/16/14 9:44am

Argentine Woman Says She Was Brutally Beaten For Wearing Soccer Jersey

Above is a picture of Lorena Sabio and her daughter, wearing a River Plate shirt ahead of the club's match against archrivals Boca Juniors last Thursday. Sometime later that evening, she was in the hospital undergoing a total of 14 operations to deal with the savage beating she claims she endured at the hands of a… »12/05/14 2:28pm12/05/14 2:28pm

Argentine Soccer Player Killed By Hooligans In Front Of Wife And Child

Franco Nieto, captain of Argentine third division club Tiro Federal, died from after injuries sustained in a beating at the hands of three hooligans. The attack took place immediately after a match against a rival team as Nieto, his wife, and their baby were headed to their car to leave. »12/04/14 12:05pm12/04/14 12:05pm

Argentine Soccer Broadcaster Is A Rollercoaster Of Emotions

Make sure you have turned YouTube's closed captioning on, and then watch this glorious video of an Argentine second division match from February. When Talleres de Córdoba scores in the 89th minute, the homer broadcaster sings a lyrical description straight out of Galeano (well, not quite). When Almirante Brown ties… »11/29/14 4:52pm11/29/14 4:52pm