Argentina Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Why Lionel Messi's "Retirement" Is Probably Just A Threat
It might have been merely frustration: Three straight years of making international finals, three straight finals losses in extra time or on penalties. Or it might have been the last night of Argentina as we know it....
Lionel Messi Says He Is Quitting International Play: "The National Team Is Over For Me"
Lionel Messi told TV reporters after Argentina’s Copa América final loss to Chile that it would be his final appearance for his nation, retiring from international play due to what sounds like his frustration at the inability to ever lead his squad to a trophy....
Chile Win Copa América In PKs After Messi Chokes
The world’s greatest soccer player once again failed to lead his team to a major international trophy as Argentina fell to Chile in penalties 4-2, thanks in part to Messi failing to deliver his PK attempt on target....
Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again
Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged greml...
Thank You, Lionel Messi, For Demolishing The USMNT
It’s hard to think of an image that better encapsulates the confidence permeating Lionel Messi and—through osmosis, if nothing else—his fellow Argentine teammates than those few moments right before he took that free kick against the U.S. last night....
A Good Shitkicking Is What U.S. Soccer Needed
There are two ways to absorb the U.S.’s 4-0 pantsing at the hands of an overwhelmingly superior Argentina side. The first is fatalist, and is espoused by ESPN’s Doug McIntyre. It holds that this drubbing was so utter and so complete that there’s nothing constructive to take from the loss, no insight...
Lionel Messi Puts U.S. In The Trash With Incredible Free Kick
The USMNT is currently floundering against the mighty Argentines, who scored an easy dinker after the U.S. defense capitulated en masse, then followed it up with this gorgeous Messi screamer past a flapping Brad Guzan....
Bring On Argentina
Last night, the United States Men’s National Team took down Ecuador to book a trip to the semifinals of the Copa America. They’ve made it further than Brazil, Uruguay, and one of Mexico/Chile will, and for a team that struggled to score legit goals for most of 2016, a noble loss in the semis is a mo...
That's One Way To Earn An Assist
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Argentina Follows Mexico's Lead, Uses Donald Trump To Troll America
We’re beginning to learn that Donald Trump quotes about the impending ruination of America are great fodder for chopping up and serving back to us in the form of troll bait. A Mexican TV station started the trend last year, and now Argentina’s TyC Sports has followed suit....
3 Soccer Guys Try One-Upping Each Other With Horrible Gaffes; 2nd Guy Wins Easily
When you see why Quilmes’s Daniel Imperiale is all hunched over looking like he’s about to puke from embarrassment, you’ll understand how his display of complete ineptitude overshadowed the two blunders that sandwiched it. Who knew ten seconds was enough for three players in a row to shit themselves...
Carlos Tévez Breaks Goalkeeper's Jaw With A Flying Knee To The Face
Now this isn’t as bad as the last time we saw Carlos Tévez breaking bones on a soccer pitch, seeing as that shin-snapper was on account of a horrible and late tackle while this jaw-smasher looks like a complete accident, but this is a streak Tévez probably doesn’t want to extend. Here’s the video:...
Soccer Ref In Argentina Murdered On The Field By Player He Red-Carded
César Flores was refereeing an amateur soccer match in the Córdoba province of Argentina when he sent one player off. In anger, the player left the field to get something from his bag. A short time later, the player returned to the field with a gun and shot the ref to death....
Argentine Cup Match Suspended After Players Won't Stop Beating The Shit Out Of Each Other
Argentina’s traditional summer tournaments came to an end last night with a suspension of the final Copa Ciudad de la Plata match due to both teams’ inability to cease punching and kicking each other....
Boca Juniors And River Plate Combine For Five Red Cards, Nine Yellows, And One Brawl In A Friendly
There’s no such thing as a friendly between Boca Juniors and River Plate. Every Superclásico is an opportunity for the bitter crosstown rivals to humiliate the other, and yesterday’s match was no different. Boca had three players sent off with direct red cards, and River lost two. ...
75 Voters In Argentine Soccer Federation Election Somehow Produce 76 Votes
All Alfredo Dagna could do upon taking in the results of the Argentina soccer federation’s presidential election last night was collapse into his chair, propping his head up with his hand, probably so that he didn’t start banging it against the table. Those results? 38 votes for the challenger, 38 f...
Look! Up In The Sky! It's A Bird ... It's A Plane ... No, It's Soccer Man!
We can’t feel too bad for this Argentine soccer fan who, apparently in an effort to see if he really was Superman, lept (fell?) from the top of the stadium’s wire fence. After all, how can you truly know flying is impossible if you never try?...