Your Fake, Zany Craigslist Ad Is Stupid And Annoying

In 2015, the only people out there who have any real use for Craigslist are hookers and serial murderers. Personally speaking, I haven't used the site since 2009, when my wife and I bought an outdoor playhouse from a lady nearby. Turned out the playhouse had a colony of yellowjackets inside of it. Craigslist is less… » 1/30/15 3:43pm Yesterday 3:43pm

GQ: Goodell Berates NFL Employees for Being Overpaid

Over at my other day job, GQ just posted this big fat schlongread from Gabriel Sherman about NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. You should head over there and read the whole thing now, because the piece does wonders for anyone who (like me) is looking to hate Goodell even more than they already do. In light of the events… » 1/26/15 9:44am Monday 9:44am

The Greatest Mötley Crüe Songs Of All Time (And The Worst)

Wanna be a roadie? Guess what? BEING A ROADIE SUCKS. I spent a couple days on tour with Mötley Crüe for this big GQ article that dropped today, and I have a newfound appreciation for the rigors of going on tour and setting up an entire goddamn stage in a new city in a differently shaped arena night after night after… » 1/22/15 11:18am 1/22/15 11:18am

The Ballghazi Takes Are Here, And They Are Fucking Insane

You knew they were coming, America. The second the Patriots got busted for doctoring footballs, you knew the TAKENAMI would rush in. And VERILY IT HAS COME TO PASS. Oh, people. Oh, this is my Christmas. These takes are so pure in their stridency, so firm in their conviction that ROGER GOODELL MUST ACT… I feel like… » 1/21/15 11:22am 1/21/15 11:22am

And Now, Your Worst Failed Romantic Gestures

Back in eighth grade, I fell in love with a girl who didn't want anything to do with me, and the lovesickness got so bad that I played up the friend angle and called her every night, hoping and praying she would change her mind and want to hook up with me (NOPE). Anyway, I've told this story before, but one night… » 1/20/15 11:20am 1/20/15 11:20am

Let's Look At All The Shitheads Who Thought A Playoff Was A Bad Idea

We'll start with the obvious, which is that the college football playoff was fucking awesome and I am happy that it finally exists. It returned meaningful football games to New Year's Day, which I had missed dearly. It amplified the importance of regular season games, rather than diluting them. It ginned up the… » 1/13/15 11:12am 1/13/15 11:12am

OH GOD THE FLU IS GOING AROUND!!!!

Hey, you! Did you hear? THE FLU IS GOING AROUND! Oh, sweet Jesus strapped to a fuck gun! THE FLU! It's around! Out there. Possibly far, but also possibly near! People have it! The neighbor has it! Your dad has it! The whole Winklefart family has it! I heard 30 kids in Darla's second grade class ALL missed school the… » 12/23/14 2:15pm 12/23/14 2:15pm

The Scientology Christmas Catalog Is Totally Insane

Finding the right gift for everyone in your family can be a real bitch. Your mom just wants a phone call. Your dad wants you to find a job. These are not easy people to shop for. But what about your second cousin who moved to L.A., got introduced to Scientology by an actor friend, joined the church to make… » 12/22/14 2:32pm 12/22/14 2:32pm