The World Is A Hurtful Goddamn Mess: A Message To The Class Of 2015

Oh, God. Grad season. THE WORST. Yes, it’s that time of year when colleges around the nation pay $50,000+ a pop for some celebrity or politician or (God help the children) author to come in and spray hot knowledge all over the senior class before the kids can finally stand in line for a diploma and get on with their… » 5/19/15 1:52pm Tuesday 1:52pm

Roger Goodell Is A Shit-Eating Moron

Now you know. Now you know that, in Roger Goodell’s batshit crazy universe, the greatest crime of all is defying authority. Tom Brady just got locked in the attic for four games this fall, and it wasn’t REALLY because he dicked around with the ball (a crime that, as already noted in many other places, has been met… » 5/11/15 8:26pm 5/11/15 8:26pm

Deadcast: Is Colin Cowherd Leaving ESPN To Do Political Talk Radio?

Bill Simmons was fired by ESPN on Friday, and Jason McIntyre over at The Big Lead has speculated that Simmons was fired partly because ESPN didn’t want to set a salary precedent with him when they’ve got contracts for other on-air talent coming up later in the year, most notably Skippy Bayless and braying donkey Colin… » 5/11/15 10:31am 5/11/15 10:31am

Haughty Dipshit Gregg Easterbrook Gone From ESPN

It’s draft day today, and you may have noticed that former Fullbright distinguished fellow Gregggggggg Easterbrook has yet to issue his annual “mock” mock draft, in which he has teams drafting all sorts of whimsical fictional characters and public figures. The Ravens drafting Hillary Clinton because she excels at… » 4/30/15 10:53am 4/30/15 10:53am

Why The Hell Is Chip Kelly Signing Tim Tebow? Some Working Theories

As you may have heard, the Philadelphia Eagles are signing former college veerback and ideal Nicholas Sparks film protagonist Tim Tebow to a contract today. Up until this offseason, Eagles coach Chip Kelly was rather adept at giving fans the impression that he had some kind of grand master plan for the franchise.… » 4/20/15 11:03am 4/20/15 11:03am

Terrible Pizza Joint To Deny Gay Indiana Residents Terrible Pizza  

You may have heard recently about Indiana's new "religious freedom" law that allows businesspeople to refuse service toward gay folks. Well, as reported by ABC57 news, the good people at Memories Pizza are taking full advantage of that new law, proudly declaring that gays are not encouraged to eat their terrible,… » 4/01/15 10:09am 4/01/15 10:09am